Everlasting Sun
by wickedlfairy17
Summary: Bella has always been alone, even surrounded by friends she feels alone. Her entire life changes when she moves to Forks,WA and meets up with someone she thought she had lost. It's time to change but changes never come easily for Vampires...BxE
1. Chapter 1

**A.N.: so this story just wouldn't leave me alone! I had to get it down, lol, I hope this isn't horrible! This is my first Twilight Fic so be kind and Review. Lol **

**Chapter 1-the beginning of eternity **

**1652, town just outside of London**

I sat at the foot of my bed in a daze, this could not be happening to me; I kept thinking that over and over. My life had speed out of my control so fast these last few years I was beginning to wonder if I had any control over it at all. My mother considered me to be something of an rebel, I had never been the proper little lady she had wanted me to be and all things considered I was the exact opposite. I had never been content with my life; content to sit daintily, to remain silent and brainless, these things weren't me at all.

Carlisle had been the only one, who had even tried to understand me in any way, but he had been gone for two years now and I was beginning to realize that he was not coming back. I choked back a sob at the thought, and my despair only intensified as my gaze landed on the wedding gown my mother had the seamstress prepare. Gazing at the horrible, beautiful, thing that symbolized the end of my freedom and the cage awaiting me tomorrow I couldn't help but think back to the beginning.

I was born into a well-off lord and lady, certainly a lucky lot that most people would not complain about. However, from the very start I had been different even from the cradle my nursemaid knew I was something strange. I used to cry all the time, no one could calm me, my tiny infant wails drove my mother very nearly insane and eventually they had called for the local priest. They had thought me possessed, maybe I was, maybe I still am, but I could never truly know…could I?

The priest had been held in very high regard, a vampire hunter and very devout man, he had brought his ten-year-old son along with him. Carlisle was in training to become priest/vampire hunter since his birth. Another who had his destiny chosen for him before he had even left the comforts of his mother's womb just as I had my own path chosen for me. The priest had come with his son, his bible, his cross and other holy weapons very ready to fight the demons that lay inside of me. However, the moment the nursemaid handed me to Carlisle my cries stopped and my tiny hand stretched out to grasp his hand giggling as only a baby could. At least that was what I have been told.

It was then that our friendship began, my Carlisle and I, we were inseparable from the start…at least we had been. I was always the curious child, wanting to know things ladies should not and I do say that I had poor Carlisle in knots. He was my unwilling co-conspirator, teaching me, a woman, how to read and write. Sneaking me books, and showing me how to climb trees, identify herbs, and generally do all the things my mother would have disapproved of had she known.

Carlisle was my dearest friend, my only friend, as my mother would allow me no others, and I often called him the brother of my heart. I told him everything, my dreams of seeing the world, doing things below my station and generally confiding in him all I knew I could never do yet still yearned to. I told him everything, at least until my tenth birthday. That was the day everything changed and I began to keep secrets from even Carlisle my dearest older brother (even if he wasn't related to me). That was the day these, powers, manifested and my terrible secret keeping began.

I had been brushing my hair, I remember it very vividly, I had wanted to get my ribbon to tie my hair back but it had been across the room and out of my reach. Then all so suddenly it began to float to me, as if by my command, but as soon as I stopped looking at it my concentration broke it had fallen. It had been the day so many doors opened to me, and so many more shut. I would practice my 'power' in secret so frightened of being called a witch but so enthralled with the wonder of it. I couldn't stop, couldn't make myself stop, and it only got worse as the years went by.

Around my twelfth birthday I realize I could encourage the flowers in my garden to grow, faster and stronger than ever before. No one really questioned it they just thought I had a way with plants and this talent was much easier to hide. I had never been one to hurt someone, in fact, I detested the very idea of it so much that when, at fourteen, Carlisle began where his father had stopped I was devastated by the news. He was a hero to everyone else, hunting down vampires, werewolves and witches, burning them at stakes and tearing them apart.

But I knew Carlisle, he was far to kind for such horrible deeds, and like me he detested hurting anything much less other people. It was the only thing we ever argued about, I was so adamant that vampires, witches, werewolves and the like could be good if we only gave them the chance to do so. I couldn't accept that god made anything he thought to be evil; he couldn't have made them only to condemn them. Carlisle, well he was hard to read sometimes, at times he almost looked like he wanted to agree with me but his duties held him back.

I had never confided in Carlisle for that very reason, his duties, if he were to know what I could do he would have no choice but to try me as a witch. I didn't think I was a witch, I didn't worship Satan, cast curses, ate babies pr anything of the sort. I just could move things around and make things grow, how could that be evil or bad? Still I feared the witches' pyre, I didn't want to be burned for something I had no control over and I didn't want Carlisle to be put in that position. The year I turned fifteen Carlisle had come to see me by our brook that was just off my father's estate, he said he had something very important to tell me.

It turned out that he was going on a hunt, a hunt he didn't think that he would be able to return from any time soon. I had broken down in tears, no matter my secrets, no matter our fights, Carlisle was my closest, dearest, kindest, most beloved and only friend. He was the rock I turned to when mothers plans for an arranged marriage got to out of hand or when I had a bad day. I had clutched him hard, crying my eyes dry, for he had never been away from me for more than a few days and now he told me he may be months gone. I was so afraid he'd forget me and never come back leaving me to my life of loneliness. I had given him my most favored locket, a rather plain piece that had an inscription on the inside that said 'Never lose your way' in Latin. I remember telling him that it would keep him safe, and make sure he never forgot that I was waiting for him to come back.

In return he had given me an iron cross he had made on a leather thong, I was wearing it even now when I knew he was not coming back to save me this time. Before it was always Carlisle that found some way to dissuade mother from her plans, I never knew how he had managed it but he had and now he was gone. I waited, waited every day for some word to come back, for a year I waited for any word from him. Finally a messenger boy came, he told my father that Carlisle had disappeared when he had gone after a vampire nest and thought to be dead. I had cried all day in my room, father had known how much Carlisle had meant to me, how much he still meant to me.

I was sixteen then, and in my grief I had tried to do something very foolish. I had rushed out of my room the next day, packed and ready to go searching for him so sure he was still out there somewhere. I didn't even get past the front door before the guards stopped me, and I never did get to go out searching for my dearest friend…the brother of my heart. I had never resented being born a boy more than those first few months when my father had me under constant guard to keep me from slipping away in the night. Had I been a son and not a daughter he would have encouraged me to go on my quest to search for my dear friend not kept me prisoner, here in my own home. Mother had kept me close then, never letting me out of her sights for long drilling into me how a proper lady should act and behave.

I was so pained over Carlisle's disappearance, so immersed in sadness, I just followed my mother's direction like a zombie and for a while I felt I had died. Strange that it would take this earth shattering news to move me from that state, to give me back my fire only to be smothered in my coming cage. I was sure Duke Henry was a nice enough man, he was of high class, and good fortune; however, I did not love him. I was to marry a man I had never laid eyes on and did not even know enough to know if I could come to love him. I was to marry him in a fortnight, I was to trade my name for his and no longer would I be Isabella Swan instead I would be Isabella Davenport.

I couldn't do this, I wouldn't do this, and I wouldn't allow this to happen to me when I could do something to stop it. I knew better this time; I did not show any distress or give any hint of my resolution. It had been a year my mother had finally stopped hovering and the guards were no longer posted outside my doors. I would do now what I should have done a year ago, I quietly gathered my things, and things I could not part with. The few thin books Carlisle had stolen away to me, my favored jewelry; the dress Carlisle loved on me, a small family portrait, and a heavily full coin purse I had been hiding. I changed into the servant clothing I had stolen from a maid, and placed everything in a worn travelers bag.

I waited until the cover of night, then I snuck from my room taking the servants way to the kitchens to gather some food for the journey and then I made my way off the estate. I went straight to the brook, our brook, and I took off my sturdy boots, gathered up my skirts and stepped into the cold waters. My father would no doubt send the dogs after me, and a hunter boy once told me water made it hard for the dogs to track. I traveled all night, never stopping, going well into the next day because I knew if my father caught me this time there would be no second chance. I would be doomed to the life I was trying to desperately to escape now, and all of this suffering would have been for nothing.

The sun was beginning to set before I even thought of stopping, my feet were blue from the cold waters and I was so hungry I had to pause for a minute to gather my strength. That's when I smelled it, blood; it made me feel queasy and very very nervous. I had always been sensitive to the smell of blood, it made me sick smelling like rotting copper in the rain. I had a very sensitive nose when it came to these things and if I smelt blood it was near. I almost turned back then, almost, I was so frightened, but before I could even think about it the choice was taken from me.

Something cold, and very hard slammed into my back shocking me enough I didn't even scream before that thing bit into my neck. I was very scared, I felt like all the blood in my body suddenly decided to head to my neck and gradually I began to feel so weak. I realized when I dropped my boots that I was going to die, die from this thing on my neck and everything in me rebelled out against the very idea. I hadn't come this far; done so much, given up everything just to die here and in my fury I pushed everything I had into getting this thing from me.

The blood lose had me slightly dazed and dizzy, distantly I heard the crash of something very hard being thrown through the trees but none of it touched me. I just needed to get away from there, get away from the thing that wanted my death so much and so even though it felt as if the blood at my neck was beginning replaced by the fires of hell I forced myself forward. The fire spread, consuming my body, it felt worse than I had imagined the very witches' pyres would have been but somehow I had enough strength in me to keep moving.

I couldn't think, couldn't see, I couldn't do anything but move forward pure stubbornness keeping me on my feet even though the pain was too much to bear. I felt for sure I was dying, that the thing had set me aflame, that the fires of hell itself was running through my veins. Still, I kept moving, I would keep going I had to…I had to do what I had sought out to do when I left my home. I had to find Carlisle, I had to make my own way in this life, I had just gained my freedom and I would not give it up for some creature.

I wasn't sure how I managed to make it to the waterfall, I had walked all night, through my pain induced haze I had made it here and I crawled the last stretch of the way. There was a small cave behind the falls, just small enough for me, I could hide there while I regained my strength, and I was so sure this sickness would not consume me. I laid on the cold stone in relief; finally sure I was far enough away from my attacker and my father that I was safe enough to rest. The pain of burning intensified and my last coherent thought was I was glad I had managed to keep my pack full of belongings with me even in my state.

-------------x--------------

Hours past, days, everything blurred together and I was drowning in the darkness filled with pain. I started to count every breath I took to keep myself from screaming out and getting discovered. Slowly the burning feeling began to fade from my fingers, leaving them cold but it only intensified the feeling in the rest of my body. It took a very long time and no time at all for it to leave me limbs receding to just my torso. My heart started to pump faster, harder, while I tried desperately to hold onto life and to keep myself from surrendering to the darkness.

Futilely I tried to remember the reason I had been brought here, the reason I had forced myself onward even in my pain, the reason I had left my home and the reason I was suffering through this now. I tried so very hard to remember, it was important, I knew it was and every so often a name would linger on my lips begging to be voiced. Yet every time I tried, the pain stole it away from me, and it made me angry that this pain could take something so important from me. So angry in fact that I started to fight harder against it, even as it slowly worked it's way to my stressed and furiously pumping heart.

My breath came out in pants, I was finding it hard to breathe, harder to think but this only fueled my fury at this burning pain that was consuming me. Just as it faded to my heart, burning in hell's fire I whispered a name and my purpose for being here… "Carlisle". My heart stopped beating then and I waited in defeat, in death, knowing I would never do what I had so yearned to do, find my Carlisle the brother of my heart. I lay there a long time, waiting, and began to wonder what was taking death so long.

Curiosity made me open my eyes and I gasped out in amazement at the sight that greeted me when I opened my eyes for the first time in days. It was like I had been blind before; everything was so clear, so vivid now that I shuddered to think of how blind I was before. Every part of me seemed so new, so much better, the sounds, the sights, the smells, it all made me feel strangely weak and horribly strong at the same time. I stepped out from behind the falls careful to keep my pack from getting any more water on it and stepped out into the sunlight for the first time in days.

Nothing could of prepared me for what happened when I did, every inch of skin exposed glittered like diamonds, I couldn't look away and couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. Suddenly I felt desperate, like if I didn't see my normal, plain boring features I would be lost and I hurried to the waters edge to catch my reflection. What I saw wasn't me, she was a stranger, her evil glowing crimson eyes looked like blood and her face was too pretty. Yet every time I moved so did this stranger on the waters surface, it made me angry, and very sad. I could no longer deny what it was I had become, Vampire.

It meant so many things to me, but it also meant that even though I was living I might as well have died for no matter what I did I could not look for Carlisle now. I had become what he detested, I had become the monster that hid in the dark I had become something that he hunted down to see burn. This I could not hide from him, I could not hide the evil redness of my eyes or the paleness of my skin that sparkled like jewels in the sunlight. I could have cried, instead I rocked back in shock to sit on the riverbank wallowing in my despair.

I had always been naturally very pale, something that had become very popular for people of my station, but this was not natural this would oust me before I even opened my mouth. My plain chocolate eyes I had gotten from my father were gone, replaced by twin ruby orbs that warned anyone who gazed upon my face to run far away from me. I tired to think of everything Carlisle had told me of vampires, what they did and how they functioned. I was alone now, no one to take care of me and guide my way, I would have to figure this all out on my own.

Try as I might all I could think of was the vampires' fabled need to consume the blood of the innocent and naïve. Just thinking of it made the back of my throat burn uncomfortably, making me very thirsty but when I went to drink some of the river water it was like ash in my mouth. I could not drink water, could not eat food and with a dawning horror I began to realize I would have to kill someone to survive. The thought alone made me feel sickly and weak, I did not have it in me to harm anyone…not even a perfect stranger.

I had always been this way, violence was not for me, I could not raise my hand in anger to anyone and I could not even stomach the thought of killing someone to sate my hunger. That person could be someone's mother, father, sister, brother, lover, someone's dearest friend and to take something so precious from anyone was not right. But I have to drink blood. I sat there still as a statue trying to think of some way, some alternative that did not end with me becoming something I could not stomach. I thought about blood, it made me very thirsty, and then I heard a bird cry out somewhere in the forest.

That got me thinking, humans weren't the only ones with blood inside of them, animals had blood too and if I need to drink blood it didn't have to come from humans. I decided then and there I would be different; I would not be the monster hiding in the night waiting for my unsuspecting victim. I lost my chance of ever finding my dearest friend, I would never be able to see his kind face or hear his calm voice speaking to me of the world.

I laid back staring up at the sky and thinking of what I was going to do for the rest of eternity, after all vampires didn't grow old. No they didn't die unless someone killed them and I found it very unlikely that someone could kill me with the way I was feeling right now. So I was left at an impasse what was I going to do with myself now? I sighed, there was nothing to it I would have to stick to the forests avoid humans until I could figure out how to hide what I had become.

**1653- Forests outside of Wales **

My eyes were no longer glowing crimson orbs, now they were a haunting golden color that changed to a murderous black when I was thirsty. I avoided everyone the last year, roaming vampires and humans alike. It was very lonely, especially when I discovered I was not even given the reprieve of sleep from my nightmare. My, gifts had gotten impossibly strong since my transformation grown in ways I had a hard time handling at first.

A thought, just one thought or inclination had things floating around me now. A desire had saplings becoming giant ancient looking trees, and caterpillars becoming butterflies. I had yet to discover a way to hide my obviously inhuman features but loneliness made me risk exposure at night. At night, with the cover of darkness my pale skin barely raised an eyebrow and my inhuman attractiveness dulled.

Still, I wanted friends, I wanted to do the things I would have never been allowed during my human life and I wanted most of all to have something to fill eternity up with. I had better control over my powers and myself now, merely a year later but still I knew there was much I had left to discover. I decided then and there I wanted nothing more than to do everything I had ever dreamed about. All the things, the silly girlish fantasies I had once told Carlisle under the shade of the trees of my home.

I had time now, I had the strength and now I had the will to defy everything, time, my mother's teachings, and even the very world I was hiding from. I could defy them, I could be whatever I wanted now and it made me feel hopeful for the first time in years. I had gotten my dreams back and I would not let them leave me so easily this time around.

**1660- Egypt **

It was a lot harder to see the world when you had limits on where you could go and what you could do without drawing attention to oneself. Still the trek to Egypt had been well worth the effort for now I had a way to hide some of my more obvious unearthly features. Nagah had been a great help to me, the Egyptians had many techniques on making powers and creams to cover flaws on ones body. I had heard many rumors while working in various pubs and inns about the ways of the people here.

It drove me to coming here, and I was very glad I had decided to come. I apprenticed to a few women over the years, seamstresses, weavers, and anyone I thought could be helpful in finding ways to disguise what I am. Nagah was perhaps the most helpful in my endeavor to remain amongst humans as she helped me learn to conceal my biggest problem.

The light shows us for what we are, vampires, killers, beings of endless time, and now I had a way to hide even from the revealing light of day. It had taken a year of constant testing and experimentation to get the body cream just right but finally I have succeeded. Now, with it on I could step into the light of day with no fear because my skin would not sparkle like the gathering of thousands of jewels. No, it was hidden beneath the paint-like cream so now my skin only shone like I had been lit up from within and it only made it seem like I was glowing.

Now that wasn't ideal but it was passable enough that humans would now only be stunned by it not suspicious, at least I very much hoped so. I would be leaving soon, though I loved Egypt with its rich culture and ancient history I had to leave before someone noticed me. It was very sad; every time I grew close to someone I had to leave before they became too curious about the fact I never seemed to age.

I had a great time getting to know people, and learning the different languages but I was still very sad every time I had to move on to the next town. It was always like this the next town, the next country, the next friend, I could never stay and I didn't even know if I had the heart to do so. I would remain frozen, forever remaining the same, and all my friends were aging before my eyes every day. They would grow older, have families and eventually they would die. I would not.

It was funny I had never really thought about what I had left behind when I had run away from home that day. Run away from marriage and a lasting cage. I thought about my family, and about my dearest friend Carlisle a lot; however, I hadn't thought about what it meant to me until recently. Becoming a vampire had freed me but I saw now that I had just moved to a bigger stronger cage. I would never knew what it was like to marry a man, grow old, watch my children grow…die of old age.

I was thinking about that a lot now, every time I had to say goodbye to another friend, every time I heard a baby cry. I was lonely still; no human could fully fill the void inside of my heart because they could never know all of me. I could not tell them everything, could tell no one of my frightening powers and how they were evolving before my eyes. I could not tell them of my hopes; my wishes, my fears, and it made me feel alone even when I was standing right beside a friend.

**1663-France**

I finally had enough to begin to bring to life one of my dreams, so here I was in France commissioning the building of my ship. It was a strange experience directing men to do as I willed them to but I guessed it was an odd experience for them too. I was finding it a little surreal, but it would seem money could make the oddest things happen. I would have my ship soon; I would be a Captain, now all that was left was to get me a crew.

I had been on plenty of ships the last thirteen years, and I had been able to charm enough sailors to know the way around a ship. Now I would be heading out on my own ship soon, I would become a pirate but one with a certain set of codes that would make finding the right crew harder. I would not harm anyone, something I had not grown out of since I had turned, I even made sure any animals I ate were killed quickly with minimal suffering.

That didn't mean I hadn't learned how to defend myself though, I managed to hire a man to teach me how to handle a sword and pistol. I needed to be strong, because strength was what men respected. I could fight, I could beat them and with my enhanced abilities it was doubtful any human, man or woman, would be able to match me. I found myself undeniably happy to be fulfilling one of my more outrageous dreams.

Carlisle often told me tales of the Pirates of the Caribbean, of Port Royal and their codes. They were free; nothing could hold them and I had wanted to be one of them for a time when I was a girl. I would dream of being a strong Pirate Captain, of sailing the world over and discovering buried treasure. Of course I knew now that wouldn't be exactly the case but I could adapt, I was strong enough now to do everything I dreamed. This was one dream I wouldn't let go of and I would do it while I was able.

I even made my own Pirate colors already, I would be known yet, a female Captain with her trusty crew capturing ships without ever having to shed blood. It would be an experience, certainly, and it would definitely keep my path from any other Vampires, which was definitely a benefit. I had run into a few roaming vampires, all had those evil looking crimson orbs I had lost when I started to drink for animals and not humans.

They had been interesting enough and I would admit quietly to myself on long lonely nights I had been tempted by their company. However, I would never be able to live with myself if I just stood by and let people die around me without trying to prevent it. Feeding on animals was my own choice, I would not force my beliefs on anyone buy it also meant I was alone. I still made an effort to make friends with as many people as I could, it was surprisingly easy to do so and I enjoyed the company of humans.

They reminded me every day why I never gave in and drank from them, all my friends were dear to me and though I could not stay with them I tried to remain in contact. Some were so terribly kind I found it hard to leave them, some made me laugh so easily, and some made it hard to leave they were so comforting on especially lonely days. They were fleeting, but they kept me grounded. I was dealing with blood more and more easily; I hoped that soon I wouldn't even be affected by it.

I would find my crew soon, I would sail the seas, and I would see the world over and do it more times than I could count. I'm sure it would never get old, and since I could always change crews frequently I could do this longer than any other things I've tried. My beautiful ship would be done soon, I had her christened Destiny's Hand, and I would set sail in a few months. Soon the world would get its first look at a woman that was not content to sit quietly and take whatever a man could throw. I was stronger now, I would not hold my tongue, I would be loud, I would not be dainty and I would be a bit wild. I couldn't wait.

**1668-Somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean**

I looked out at my busy crew, they were all very happy, I was too after all we did get a get haul this time and the excitement was palatable. I laughed when I saw Sam O'Neal start a jig after he counted his pieces of eight, I loved my men, they were a bit rough around the edges but they were mine. It had been hard at first, gaining their respect had taken some time, but now it was so easy to sit here among them laughing.

Our first score came as a surprise to them, no bloodshed, no mayhem, just quick easy and very rewarding. Even when it came to blows I had made sure they never went for the kill only the hurt, only to defend themselves. I had learned from a healer as I went along and going amongst them healing their hurts had endeared me to them. Truthfully, it also made me very protective of them as well; they were like a blusterous band of fiendish friends I could never get tired of.

I had even made a name for myself in the civilized world, they called me the Pirate Queen, and I had become something of a legend. Oddly enough I didn't mind the attention as much as I thought I would, something that had been carried over from my human life. I didn't like to be the center of attention but I was slowly getting used to it. I always loved capturing English ships, the Captains always had books in their cabins, and I always took them.

At night when the work was done and the men were quiet in contemplation I would sit near the wheel reading out loud for them. It had become something of a tradition for me to read to them, they really were more boys than men and they enjoyed the stories. Some had even taken to actively searching out books when we got a ship so I could add to my growing collection. Sadly, not many of them wanted to learn how to read on their own, saying they preferred to listen to me instead.

Some did want to learn and I always tried to make time to teach them. I loved to learn, I would not deny anyone the chance I fought for and I wished I could learn more every day. Knowledge was something Carlisle had always loved to share, one of the reasons it was so easy for me to beg him for lessons. It would seem I had inherited that from him, I laughed as I made my way back to the cabin, and tomorrow was going to be a big day.

We would be hitting a Slave ship tomorrow one I heard not only held slaves but also a good store of the Queens gold. She was sending them to the New World but they would not make it there if I had anything to do with it. We captured a lot of slave ships, freeing the men and women held aboard, often times they would join up. Other times we would leave the ship in their hands and it was a very good feeling knowing we had liberated them.

I detested cages, and the taking of freedom from anyone. I detested the very idea of slaves, and I loved disrupting the trade. I had to admit I enjoyed the Pirate life and I would be saddened to let this all go one-day. However, there would always be a little of a pirate in me, laughing loudly I turned around to yell out at my crew, "Take what you CAN!" A chorus of voice yelled out in response, "GIVE NOTHING BACK!" They always had a good laugh when I said that to them, they thought it was a perfect code to live by.

**1672-A little off the Irish Coast**

I blinked slowly I couldn't really believe what I was seeing with my own two eyes, when James had come to tell me of the stow-away I had him bring him before me. Even in the pale moonlight there was no doubt in my mind what this man was but the thing that baffled me was his eyes. They were a familiar topaz color I was so familiar with and I just couldn't believe it, even though it was right before my eyes.

In the twenty years I had been a Vampire I had not once met another that was like me and to be presented with one had me thrown. I dismissed James after reassuring him I would be fine and turned to look at the man again. He was taller than me, not a great feat at my five foot four; he was around six foot roughly. He had my pale skin, and eyes like my own. But his hair was the palest blond, almost white and his toned body was easily seen through his fitted clothes. I shifted on the balls of my feet, not entirely sure what I should do now that we were alone.

He looked as stunned to see me as I was to see him and it made me giggle. "So, what's a vampire doing stowed away on a human pirate ship?" I laughed rocking on the balls of my feet as I stared him down. "So what's a vampire doing CAPTAINING a Pirate ship?" He retorted his musical voice light with amusement. "You know you aren't very good at pretending to be human, I'm Bella, and you are?" "I'm Lucas, why would you say that I'm sure I am acceptable." I laughed, "Well you could have fooled me, for one you haven't moved since you were brought here and that definitely isn't human. You should shift around more." He chuckled at me, "Maybe I could use some pointers. So what do you plan on doing with me? Oh, Captain Bella?"

I tilted my head to the side, and pretended I was thinking about it for a while. "I think I'm going to keep you on my ship for a while, so I can teach you how to be a better human," I giggled again, "And you should tell me where your going so I can drop you off when we go there!" He chuckled, "I suppose you do that with all your stow away vampires?" "No, but I do drop off stowaways to where their going every time I encounter one. It has been my experience that when someone stows away on a pirate ship they often have good reason for doing so." He blinked at me this time and shook his head in disbelief.

I could tell I was going to like having Lucas around while he was here, after all it wasn't every day I meet someone so like myself and it was a very liberating experience. I took him to my cabin so we could talk without fear of being overheard and though it was sure to get the men talking I didn't care. He told me his story freely, which surprised me as much as it delighted me. He was made in 1506, definitely a wake-up call for me, and he had been twenty-one when he had been turned.

He had lived in Germany, a farmer near the forests with his rather large family. He was the eldest of eight, and with his parents his family had been counted at an outrageous ten. He had three brothers, four sisters, and a very beautiful mother. He had been very happy with them, and had just begun to build his own home nearby when it happened. He had come home one day to quiet; something that had immediately alerted him to trouble his house was never quiet.

A roaming vampire had awaited him when he got home; he had walked in on her feeding on his youngest sister and had tried to save her. He had failed, the vampire had attacked him but she had been so full of blood by then she did not do the most thorough job before she had left him there to die. He had lain there burning for three full days surrounded by the corpses of his family, and when he had awoken a monster he had been devastated.

He told me how he had buried his family under the oak tree his father had planted, how it was still there, and how he had vowed to never become like the one whom had taken everything from him. He even confided in me how he had tried countless methods to take his life but had failed every time. This was very distressing to hear and I comforted him as best I could. I began to realize the reason he was telling me these things was because I was the first person that could understand.

He avoided other vampires like the plague, never going near them, and he avoided humans to stay away from temptation. I was sad to know how long he had been so alone in the world. I did ask him how he had avoided everyone of our kind so easily; I often smelled them too late to avoid them. He laughed and told me of his gift, he could track anyone, anywhere, and he knew where he or she was before they even knew he was around. I had to ask him why he hadn't avoided me then and his answer puzzled me. He said he hadn't felt me, and couldn't even sense me now.

It was strange but it didn't surprise me as much as I thought it would. I was getting used to being strange, even as a vampire, he called me a shield. I didn't correct him, and didn't enlighten him of my other skills either. I told him a brief summery of how I had gotten here, leaving out Carlisle, the arranged marriage, and my powers out of it. For some reason I didn't want to tell him everything like he had told me, I knew it was unfair but I just couldn't. Carlisle had been my only confidant and some part of my heart would not let me try to replace him in any form.

Still I shared a lot with Lucas, I taught him how to act more human, he taught me how to sketch, I gave him some of my skin cream, and he told me stories of the places he had seen. He became a great friend, he taught me many things and I would be very sad to see him go. However, it wasn't always easy, I began to realize Lucas felt for me differently than I felt for him. I saw him as a great friend, maybe even as a sort of older brother but he hinted at feeling something more. The thought scared me because he wasn't like the other men that had shown interest before.

For one he was a vampire, not a human, and there was a possibility in this that hadn't been present with the others. I would admit the temptation to create a companion that could stay with me was always there but I hadn't ever gone through with it. I never wanted to cause someone that kind of pain and I would not take the life they could have away from him or her. I hoped he would leave soon, I had gotten used to being on my own and I feared if he stayed much longer he would begin to pursue me more actively. I didn't want to hurt him, he was one of the most beautiful people I had ever known but I just didn't feel that way for him. It was going to be a long year.

**1680- Just off the Russian shoreline**

I looked at my crew's melancholy faces and couldn't help but feel a constricting around my heart looking at them. My little one-man vessel was just off to the side, loaded down with the last of my things and they were begging me not to go. I had to go; I could not stay aboard my beautiful ship any longer it was just too dangerous. I stepped up to Stephan, I cupped his cheek with a gloved hand and he leaned into my touch looking so heartbroken I almost looked away.

I remembered when I had picked him up, a small thirteen-year-old boy aboard a French trader ship and having dreams of being a Captain someday. He had been so eager to join my crew, so eager to learn and he had become one of my constant companions. I had taught him to read, taught him swordplay and how to hold a pistol right. He was probably the closest thing I had to a little brother or a son. I was leaving my ship to him, his dreams of being Captain would come to pass and Destiny's hand was now his but he said he didn't want it.

I loved him dearly, and he loved me just as much. He did not want me to go, did not want me to leave his side even though he was a grown man now at a strong twenty. I sighed and kissed his cheek, wiping away his single tear he couldn't hold in before the others could see it fall. I was going to miss him the most and I thanked Lucas from the depths of my heart for his parting gifts. Lucas was a wonderful artist, a painter, he had done many portraits of me with my crew on Destiny's Hand and my favorite would always be the one where I stood with Stephan in my arms.

He was fourteen in the painting, and I stood behind him with my arms guiding his at the wheel as we steered the ship together. I was very glad to have those moments captured, so that I could look back on them when he was gone from this world. I kissed his forehead and jumped off the ship gracefully landing on my own one-man. They ran to see me off not surprised in the least at my display I was legendary after all. The Pirate Queen, I was something of a mythical figure now and I had even heard rumors that they thought I was a goddess of some kind trapped in human form. Once one of the men had slipped and called me Calypso, I just laughed at it, as it was my own private joke.

I sailed off, to my next adventure and the next journey leaving my crew in capable hands and they called out to me as I faded from view, "Take what you can!" and I shouted back with sadness, "Give nothing back!" Leaving the friends I had made was always hard, but it seemed just a little bit harder this time. I had always been denied any friends, other than Carlisle, growing up and now I made it a goal to make as many as I possibly could. However, I never expected it to be so far letting them go when the time came, and it always did.

I had hoped when I had met Lucas that he could have been a friend I could send eternity with, but that wasn't to be either. He confessed he had feelings for me before he had left my ship but I couldn't tell him what he wanted so badly to hear. I just didn't care for him that way; he was a close friend and nothing more. It made things awkward, especially when we spent time alone together. I didn't want him to think there was something there that wasn't, I didn't want to hurt him at all but when I was in his presence I could tell I did so.

He wanted something from me I couldn't give, and I hated the hurt I saw in his eyes when I told him there could be nothing between us. Lucas was stubborn though, he said he had forever to try to change my mind and while that was flattering it also kept me from spending a long time in his company. Love was not something I was looking for, to be trapped forever with someone was frightening and I didn't like the idea. Marriage was 'till deaths do us part, and when you just didn't die that was a very long time.

Maybe one day I will finally give into him, or some other man and let my heart fall. But I had already decided I was not letting my heart go without a fight, any man who wanted to capture me was in for a surprise. I chuckled as my little boat rocked with the waves comfortingly, truly love was a battle at least when it came to me.

**1693-Moscow **

I tilted my head to the side, studying Vlad as he tried fruitlessly to struggle out of my hold on him. I giggled at him, as his snarls grew louder as he began to realize I was not going to let him up any time soon. My gift to move things with my mind was extremely entertaining sometimes. Vlad was just too easy though and eventually I let him up from where I had him pinned to the ground. I think I was really beginning to enjoy the full moon almost as much as Vlad does.

We were a very strange pair, Vlad and I, a werewolf and a vampire, we were supposed to be vicious enemies not close friends. It was ironically amusing every time I thought of it. Course it hadn't always been this way, Vlad had wanted nothing to do with me when we first met. He had been living in this tiny village I had just moved to and he was a gruff unsociable blacksmith with a questionable history. The villagers had warned me off him but he had been fascinating to me.

For one he hadn't smelled like a human, he smelled like the forests and freshly turned dirt, earthy and appealing without being edible. I wanted to know what he was; curiosity had always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I made quick friends with everyone and found a job apprenticed to the local healer, Vlad though avoided me. It was very vexing because every time I tried to talk to him he'd escape. The village had gotten a good laugh out of it, huge gruff Vlad running from a pretty little girl but hadn't been amused.

I got him cornered one day and just asked him very bluntly if he wanted to tell me what he was so that I could leave him alone. He had been stunned enough to actually reply that he was a werewolf, but then it was my turn to be surprised when he asked the same of me. I tilted my head to the side and said very brightly that I was an animal-drinking Vampire, thank you very much. He had laughed uproariously at that, and had said he didn't think I was a vampire.

Now that got my interest and I had to question him further on that of course. What he told me was startling to say the least, he had met other vampires and he said they had smelt nothing like me. I apparently smelled nice, like strawberries and wild flowers, natural almost. Other vampires smelled too sweet to him like too much sugar mixed with ice, cold and too sweet smell. I wondered why I smelled different, of course, but neither of us found an answer to that question as of yet.

After that it was an odd sort of friendship, we'd help each other hide our obvious inhumanity and learned much from one another. I would control him during the full moon, keeping him from hurting any humans and he would help me work on my gifts. Slowly, I helped him learn to control his transformation so that they were voluntary not forced and we grew closer. We even left together when the time came to leave that village.

Vlad was a lone wolf, so to speak, so I became his 'pack' and he became the companion I had wanted for so long. We'd been together for twelve years nearly now but I knew that soon I would need to leave him. Vlad loved me like a sister, as I loved him like a brother, but he also wanted to start a pack one day. No self-respecting female werewolf would go near him with me so near; they would consider it stealing my mate even though we weren't that way. I needed to leave, maybe next week, because I knew that Marina had caught his eye. Vlad was too shy to approach her though, and she didn't want to make a move if I was there in case I did have some hold on Vlad.

I liked Marina; she was fiery and kind, tough enough to keep Vlad in line when he stepped over his bounds. She was a good friend to me and even though she never asked of my relationship to him I knew she wondered. Marina was too kind to make a move for him with me here, so I would get out of the picture and push her in the right direction. Hopefully once I was gone they'd finally get together and make each other happy.

I couldn't make them happy if I stayed, no matter how much I wanted to stay with my gruff funny Vlad I could not stand his way to happiness. I would be lonely again, but I would just have to find some humans friends again. I found it was getting ridiculously easy to make lasting friends with people; they were becoming less and less standoffish now. I think it had something to do with my improving skin cream and my growing ability to appear more human. This made me happy, maybe I would go to Ireland this time I hadn't been there in years.

**1701-Russia's border**

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me and using all of my concentration to use my gift to propel me forward faster than my legs could carry me. I was more than a blur to even vampire eyes, fast, so fast I had managed to get three fourths of the way there without fully realizing it. However it still wasn't fast enough for me and in my desperation I tried something that I had been contemplating for some time. My feet lifted from the ground and suddenly I was flying through the air faster than before.

I was never so grateful to have my gift to move things with my mind than I was just then. I was flying, flying but I didn't enjoy the moment I was too worried to dwell on the thought of flight. I had to get there, I had to save him, save them before it was too late and they were gone forever. If I had a beating heart I'm sure it would be going a mile a minute right now I was so worried. I had heard a vicious rumor just two hours ago, Caius, was after the children of the moon.

He was out in force to kill them all but I couldn't allow something like that to happen. I had to get to Vlad, I hadn't seen him in eight years but I had remained in contact. His little family had grown, he had a beautiful baby now, and he had a true pack filled with Marina, his son Joseph, his brother-in-law and his family. No to mention the odd wonderer, who joined, making his pack a total of sixteen strong and though I was proud of him their size made them one of the first targets.

They didn't know what was coming; death was tingling at my ear, saying I better hurry because he was on their doorstep. I shot through the air so fast I almost missed their little gathering place. I cried out in relief when I saw I wasn't too late, they were alive, all of them and they were fine. For now, immediately I found Vlad, towering over his pack laughing loudly when he spotted me speeding towards him. I tackled him to the ground, embracing him tightly and sobbing dryly into his chest.

"Shhh, Bells, what's wrong?" He soothed my back and I pulled myself together quickly I had to get them away from here. Away from Russia, away from Europe, I had to hide them away in the new world away from Caius' bloodthirsty eyes. "WE need to leave, NOW! Gather everyone, take only what you can carry, we have to get away from here!" I was nearly hysterical but they understood my urgency. Vlad immediately ordered them to do so, Marina only gathered up their cute little three-year old boy into her arms and stood waiting for my direction.

"What's going on Bella?" "I need to get you away from here, Caius is coming, he has a vendetta against your kind he's been killing as many as he can. He heard of your pack, he's coming, you need to be gone when he gets here!" I was nearly panicking by the end and hurriedly pushing him onward. "Where will we go?" bless him he wasn't arguing with me, I had been so frightened he would want to stay and fight. I would have stayed with him had that been the case and though the very thought made me feel sick I would have defended him. I would have HURT them to SAVE Vlad, I would have never forgiven myself if we had lived but I would still have done so. Bless him for not driving me to do that. "I have a ship waiting for us near the border, it'll take you to the New World, I'll stay to cover our tracks. You need to get away from here, I'll deal with Caius if he shows his face here before I've finished."

He froze in his tracks; the whole pack froze, turning to stare at me, some who didn't know me looked at me with wonder and confusion in their eyes. "Bells, I can't leave you alone like that…you could die," he sounded so pained and he reached for me as if to keep me beside him. "Yes, yes you can, I didn't risk everything just so you could die! You have a baby to think about, you have your family, and I have no one and nothing. If I am to die I would much rather it be in the place of someone I love. You WILL GO Vlad, you will go, you will live and you will be happy. If I live out this day I'll find you again but for now you need to leave me here, leave me and save your pack!" I was angry, couldn't he see he would die; they all would die if they stayed?

He looked so stricken I regretted yelling at him, I walked up to him and cupped his cheek with my cold hand, "Let me do this for you Vlad, let me be the one they take if someone must die today. I'd rather it be me than your pack…your family." He looked so torn but he did start to run with me again to the border and their salvation. I left him halfway there with parting direction and a soft, "it's worth everything I have to save you".

**1717-Aboard the Duchess sailing towards Africa**

I looked out at the sparkling clear water in wonder, really I would never get tired of the sight of it. It would seem being a pirate for a time instilled a love of the sea that would never leave me; I was relieved that I had finally managed to get word to Vlad. I had found him hiding in the new world, near the furthest end that hadn't been colonized yet. I had loved the time I spent with them; Joseph had been an adorable pup. Still I knew I wasn't ready to stay still for so long so here I am running away again. I guess I'm just too used to being alone to stay in the company of others like me for long.

I was heading back to Egypt, there was treasure to be found there and though I was already plenty wealthy form my pirating days I loved shiny things. It was probably something carried over from my Pirate Queen days also, the treasure obsession. I didn't even really spend it; I just hoarded it like a dragon of old. Still I wanted to see the sands of Egypt again, something about that place enchanted me. After that, maybe I'd make my way to China again for some silks and some more ideas on how to improve my skin cover cream.

That and their ways of fighting fascinated me, not the violence of it but the beauty of it. Their styles were so beautiful last time I witnessed it, like a dance really more than a way of fighting. I loved their code too, only fight as a last resort and to defend not to harm. That was something I could get behind. Egypt first though, I wanted to see those pyramids again and the beautiful Nile. I had to admit that the lions might be tempting me too, after all their blood wasn't nearly as bad as some animals.

I giggled, thinking back on my journeys, I had wanted to see the world when I was a girl and now I had seen it twice over. Still, I wanted to see more, learn more, do more, it was never enough to stay still for too long. It was like I was searching for something I hadn't been able to find yet. I leaned out against the railings, paying no mind to the sailor's warnings against doing so, the sea breeze lifted my hair and I was tempted to go flying.

Since my frantic first flight I had found there was no other greater joy to me so far than flying above the clouds where even birds could not reach. There was something amazing about seeing the earth literally spread out before you, like a beautiful painting or a heart-breaking melody. It took my unnecessary breath away every time and there was nothing that could compare to the feeling of being so free. It was like nothing could touch me, nothing could cage me, and nothing could capture me. I laughed loudly, drawing some eyes, the breeze whipped my dress and hair around me. I'm sure I was a sight, still I couldn't help but laugh. After all it wasn't every day that a bird discovers its wings.

**1764-London**

I sat there with my eyes closed, just listening; truly this boy was amazing…a real genius. I had learned many things the last century or so, playing the piano was just one of the many things. However, I never composed my own work, I never knew where to begin and though I immensely enjoyed making music I was afraid I didn't have the talent for original creations. I was glad I had connection so I could meet the boy, Mozart, I was sure history was not likely to forget him anytime soon. I certainly wouldn't. I smiled as his wonderful playing ended and the room filled with silence. I walked up to him, I couldn't help myself, I shouldn't but I had to. I laid a daintly-gloved hand on his shoulder and turned him to me.

He looked as stunned to see me as any boy would after being so absorbed in his music, and he looked a little dazed. I was a sight, in a rich silk dress, and pearls, hair pulled up in a flowing bun and a butterfly pin in my hair. I hardly ever dressed up, I didn't like the attention it brought me but for this I had done so. After all it wasn't every day you stood in front of genius. I smiled brightly and a glazed look entered his eyes, I often wondered why men reached so when I smiled at them. Still I just giggled softly and kissed him briefly on his cheek whispering, "You are brilliant" in his ear before I left the room gracefully.

I probably had caused quite a stir with my little display but there was nothing to do for it. After all the private party was filled with London's finest and they always talked. I was leaving tonight anyways, let them talk; I was used to attention and even with how I disliked it so I was used to it. Like when you get used to horrid medicine but have to deal with it anyways. I was going to find Lucas soon, I hadn't seen him for over a decade and should check up on him soon.

He wasn't as good at handling the loneliness as I was, and even though I didn't want to hurt him I did know I should at least try to comfort him for a time. He stilled tried to court me when we were together, but I had yet to be swayed. I wouldn't let go of my heart without a fight and Lucas hadn't won this battle yet. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't love him, he truly was a beautiful man inside and out. He was kind, gentle, compassionate, and extremely attractive. In fact I had yet to see anyone as pretty as Lucas yet, vampire or not, and this disturbed me.

Maybe there was something wrong with me, he really was the perfect man, such a gentleman and so…beautiful, still I didn't feel for him. He tried to sway me, with gentle words, and gifts. He tried so hard to with my love and affection it hurt me to see him so enamored to with me. I didn't want to hurt him, yet every time I made it clear I didn't feel so for him he still tried. I didn't like hurting his feelings, which was why I never stayed more than two years in his company before heading off again. I sighed; I loved him as a friend but not as a lover. I wanted to see him happy, but I just wished it wasn't with me that he sought happiness from.

**1776-America **

I ran lightly through the forest deftly jumping through the branches making it more challenging just for the fun of it. I had finally managed to track him down, Lucas was always hard to find but it was getting ridiculous trying to find him. He didn't need to build his house a good 200 miles from any humans but he does. Still I wanted to see him, it's been years and I missed his company. I wanted to spend some time catching up before I headed off to see the southern continent. The Caribbean was always entertaining and it brought back memories.

I broke through the last of the trees and came upon Lucas' gorgeous home, he was an artist after all it only made sense he made his home a work of art. Even in the dead of winter with snow piled up and the vegetation gone it was breath taking. I was taking a moment to admire his work when I heard the terrible screaming start. Frightened for my friend I rushed the last leg to his house I help. I burst through his door and followed the screams to a room upstairs.

I flung the door open and I couldn't make sense of the scene I found there, Lucas was standing at the end of a bed staring at the screaming boy in it. I rushed to the boy's side, whoever he was he was in bad shape. His legs and arms were frostbitten. There was a large gash on his side I could see his ribs poking out from under his skin but it wasn't until I saw the bite mark on his arm that I knew what happened.

I looked up at Lucas in shock, I couldn't believe it, and his face was so tormented I immediately engulfed him in my arms to comfort him. He had done the only thing he could to save this boy, and he had cursed him to this existence at least that's how Lucas would see it. Lucas considered our lives cursed, I didn't I considered it a gift that came at a high price. After all had I not been turned I wouldn't have done all the amazing things I have, or met so many wonderful people. The boy was screaming again and it brought back horrible memories of burning. I winced in sympathy. I ran my fingers through Lucas' silky white hair and whispered, "You did nothing wrong".

I gently let him go and went back to the boy's side as he screamed out his pain. I took off my gloves and placed my cold hand on his burning head. He immediately quieted and I knew what I had to do to at least comfort him in his burning time. Cautiously I lifted him up and slid in beneath him lying down so he was cradled in my arms. I spoke gently to him, running my hand through his hair and trying to engulf him in my cool embrace to ease some of his pain.

I stayed that way for hours, sometimes talking to him about Lucas, sometimes singing him songs, or telling him tales of the open seas. I whispered in his ear about the life he had to look forward to with Lucas to guide him. The boy had rich brown hair, and strong features. He was probably no more than nineteen, a soldier, a blue coat, and he would help Lucas in his loneliness when I wasn't around. For that I thanked him silently in my mind for that gift, I often worried for Lucas so, and with this boy he could make a family.

Lucas would wonder in every so often, leaving the boy in my care but he never said a word just looked at him dejectedly. I wanted to comfort him but the boy needed me here. When he came in on the second day, looking so heartbroken I could take it no longer and spoke out to him hoping to ease his mind. I laughed gently running a hand through the boy's hair as he whimpered, "So Lucas you finally decided to get a son? What's with all my friends giving me sons?" I laughed at his stunned face it would seem he hadn't thought of the boy like that. "Well, he IS your FAMILY now, silly man, you made him so he's your son!" I said brightly.

He looked like he had just swallowed a lemon whole, "Well it's true you're going to take care of him, guide him, teach him, and since you haven't gotten a wife yet I'll just have to be his stand-in mom!" I giggled and cooed at the boy in my arms trying to break through Lucas' melancholy with my antics. He looked to be considering my words so I went in for the kill, "besides I need to be here to help you control your newborn! Wouldn't want him going crazy on human blood now do we?" Lucas finally nodded and spoke back, "Too true, he is my son now however unexpected it is," he left then. I knew he was going to go paint something, that's what he always did when he had to get something like this out. I sighed rocking the half-healed boy in my arms and I whispered in his arms, "You should wake up soon so I can learn your name silly boy."

Nathaniel, that was his name, he woke up on the third day thirsty and craving blood, human blood to be exact. I was glad I had the power to hold him back, to stop him from doing something he would regret later. The first year was hard on him, but as I grew to love him as a surrogate son he grew to learn to control his hunger. Still I wanted to stay, the three of us had a great time, we hunted, laughed, we were a family. It wasn't nearly as awkward with Lucas with Nathaniel there to act as a buffer between us.

I taught him how to carve, something I had picked up a few years ago, I taught him how to dance and how to properly hold a sword. It really was like having a son, I stopped him when the smell of a human was too much and I soothed him when he was upset. Lucas taught him too, telling him of all he had learned, and where he had traveled. I regaled him with tales of Africa and hunting lionesses. It was a happy time for me, I stayed with them for three years, and it was the longest I had ever stayed with Lucas. Still, when one day Nathaniel didn't need me to stay his hand around a human I knew it was time I left. It saddened me to leave them but I was no longer needed. I thought it was time I explore that Amazon rainforest I had been hearing so much about. Nathaniel and Lucas begged me to stay but I would not be swayed. It hurt to go, and I guessed I would need to get used to being alone again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- Coming home, Bella's POV**

**1804-Germany**

I studied the bright faces of the children and smiled brightly at them. Teaching was something I'd never tire of, especially with such willing pupils. I laughed as Emily stumbled and gently caught her before she could get hurt. I was always there to catch them; they knew that so they were never afraid to try anything. Teaching dance was wonderful, I loved dancing, I had never been graceful as a human and dancing was just not something I could do safely then. As a Vampire I had relished learning all forms of dance, and it helped my express some of the things I suppressed.

I gently fixed Jenny's form and laughed again when little Sarah tried to leap without a partner. Never a good idea that; I caught her though around the waist and twirled gracefully with her. I made it looked practiced to keep her from embarrassment and she beamed up at me in thanks. I really would miss them when I left but the road was calling out to me again. I had gotten better and better at appearing human. I had gotten so good at my disguises I could make it seem like I was aging so I could stay among the same humans longer. I could only do ten years though, maybe twelve if I pushed it.

I sighed looking at their sweet faces, I would miss teaching but it was getting to that time where I had to leave again. Maybe I would head to England I hadn't seen home in a long while. Or maybe I would go to one of those bordering schools that taught girls well, at a price of course, but it was always worth it to learn. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I was going soon. I sighed sadly as another one of my girls tried to leap without a partner; I was beginning to think they just wanted me to catch them now.

**1863-America **

I found myself stuck in another déjà vu situation, I stared at Nathaniel, and I stared at Lucas and then at the battered woman lying in the bed before us. He hadn't bitten her yet, but I just knew he would…I knew it. We had come across her when we were heading back home from the south; she was in very bad shape. I tried to do what I could but there was too much internal bleeding, she would die soon one way or another.

Her skin was a rich caramel color, a sure sign to me that someone had a little too much fun with one of those poor dark-skinned women. She was hurting, but soon that pain would be nothing. He bent over her; he brought her wrist to his lips and asked her again if this was truly what she wanted. She nodded painfully in the affirmative and his teeth poised above her wrist just about to strike when I called out. "Wait, let me hold her first, maybe it'll help like with Nathaniel."

I scooped her taller form up gently and brought her up to cradle her to my chest encircling her with my leg too. I was careful to avoid harming her more and once she was resting comfortably in my arms Lucas' teeth sunk into the tender flesh of her wrist. It didn't take long at all for the screaming to start, but I handled her with the same care I had handled Nathaniel.

The boys couldn't take her crying and left her to me. Cowards. I was gentler than I had been with Nathaniel, I told her stories of my raids on slave trader ships, I told her of music, of Mozart, of dancing, I sang while running a soothing hand through her hair. Eventually she stopped screaming, just whimpering every so often like Nathaniel had done. I knew I was in for a hectic few years but I couldn't help but be happy that Lucas' little family was growing. She was a beauty; she would be heart-stopping exotic when she finally turned.

Handling her was a lot easier than Nathaniel; I credited it to having experience with this from my time with Nathaniel. Nathaniel had discovered he had a gift not long after I had left him, I was sad I hadn't been there to help him deal with it. It was an odd talent, he mimic sounds, so much so he could rob a vampire of their hearing for a time. It was a little odd but I thought it was fun. He would entertain me by changing voices as he read out loud to me.

Crystal, newly turned was much more in control of herself than Nathaniel had been but accredited that to her being prepared beforehand for the change. I still had to use my gift to keep her from attacking humans at times but she was doing well. Spending time with her was always fun, she always wanted to learn one more thing from me. Mostly she was fascinated with learning all the fighting styles I had learned over the years. She reminded me of the Amazon warriors, strong, beautiful females that took nothing from men.

I stayed for longer this time, a good four years, Crystal developed a talent too but I had trouble teaching her to control it. She could see memories, we had yet to explore what she could do with this but she was ecstatic. Of course, like Nathaniel and Lucas before her Crystal could not use her particular talent on me. It was my shield; it frustrated her to no end because she wanted to see my travels through my eyes so badly. Not just hear me retell them over and over.

She loved my Pirate Queen stories, especially the ones where I set slaves on their capturers and stole them blind. It was something she never got tired of hearing. I loved her like a daughter, she loved me too I thought, just as Nathaniel loved me. Lucas still tried very hard to make me stay this time, but I couldn't. I had to leave and five years after Crystal was turned I went off on my own again.

**1870-America**

I patted my stallion on his flank; truly it amazed me that this horse was so brave. He didn't seemed to mind one bit that there was a dangerous predator on his back. I thought it might be because I had raised him up from a fowl on my own. I wasn't sure though he had been a brave little fowl too. I giggled as I lowered my cowboy hat on my head smiling dangerously at the cowboy in front of me. I had been expecting more really, Jesse James had really made a name for himself and I had wanted to meet him.

Still his reaction didn't differ from the other human men I had come across, his eyes were glazed and he looked a little dazed. Really I had been expecting better, I giggled and quickly snapped my pistol from my hip holster twirling it on my finger with practiced ease. I really had hoped he would be different. I fired his hat off right off his head and tilted my hat with my pistol at him before I sent my stallion galloping away.

That had been an interesting meeting, to say the least, being an outlaw was very fun. Robbing the pompous rich and giving it to the poor had gotten me a name though it was something I was used to. I dressed as a man, with britches and a shirt, a form fitted coat on top of that. I let my long hair flow down around me and I wore bright red lipstick, I just looked like a hellion. I liked it that way. I would be sad to say goodbye to America but it was time to go. I wanted to see Paris again; it was always so pretty in summer.

**1878-Opera Garnier, France**

Dancing was a passion, Ballet had to be my favorite though and dancing here with so many watching was thrilling. I loved to dance, but I also loved to share my dancing with as many people as I could. Still I had to just sit back in awe as I looked out at the audience, so many people, our show had really gotten popular it seemed. My partner, a boy from Spain, was shaking he was so nervous and I patted his hand to comfort him.

Then our cue was called out and we danced across the stage. I lost myself in it, not paying any mind to anything, getting lost in this private little world of my making. It was certainly liberating, I twirled, I leapt, I danced on nimble feet expressing myself with my body in ways I could not seem to do with words. The clapping snapped me out of it, a standing ovation, but my eyes were on the three familiar faces in the front row.

Nathaniel, Lucas and Crystal stared up at my beaming clapping joyously. I was happy to see them; I hadn't seen them in so long I had begun to really miss them. I would have to wait until after the show to speak with them though. I couldn't help but wonder if they had come to Paris seeking me out, I was glad they did if that was the case. Though I would not be leaving with them, I wasn't ready to visit them for a few years yet.

**1915-America**

I walked through the alyssum very quietly; no one could see me this time I wasn't allowed here any longer. I had become a nurse, only because becoming a doctor was barred to me and when I had come here I had been sickened at their 'treatments'. Still I couldn't leave Alice, she was such a sweet girl so I had stayed here for her so she wouldn't be alone anymore. Alice was so special, so unique but the humans could not see it.

She could see everything, the future, the past, the present, she just KNEW everything it was truly remarkable. Still it had gotten her sent here when these visions had become too much for her. She was cationic most of the time, because she could not filter what her mind was seeing. Alice only awoke when I was near because my shield protected her from the visions. I loved her dearly; she was such a bright girl even when she was trapped here.

However, I had to leave her now, the new doctor was a vampire and he had gotten me fired. I couldn't leave her though without saying goodbye. When I made it to her room (cell) I found her crying balled up on the floor. I immediately engulfed her in a tight hug, rocking her and patting her back soothingly. "What wrong my pixie-girl?" When I had first arrive in this horrible place Alice's hair had been so long it nearly reached her ankles. But it was so matted and dirty I had no hope of saving it so I had cut it off and styled it short. It reminded me of a pixie, she was so small and fairy like that the nickname stuck.

"You're leaving," she sobbed some more and I rocked her, "you're leaving and soon I wont be able to remember you! I'll forget but I don't want to…I don't want to forget you Bella. You're my only friend!" She sounded so lost I couldn't think of anything to say, still I ran a hand through her short hair and laughed with melancholy. "It's okay if you forget me Alice because I'll always remember you and love you. Still if it bothers you so much take this," I took the butterfly hairpin from my hair and gave it to her. It was one of the things I had taken with me that day and I wanted her to have it to remember me by.

She cradled it to her chest and smiled up at me weakly, "I'll keep it forever Bella! And when I see you again I'll be able to remember eventually! Thank you, thank you for giving me something to hold onto until then!" I wondered at her words but I had gotten used to Alice Brandon's strange way of saying things. I rocked her to sleep in my arms and left before she woke. I had to leave before someone found me and called security. I truly hoped I would see Alice again one day but then again if she saw it then I knew I could trust in her.

**1934-An Island off the coast of Hawaii **

I sighed exasperated, why did this always happen when I came to visit Lucas! I was beginning to think he was doing this to me on purpose. I looked at the sweating boy on the bed, he was very sick, I sighed there was nothing else to it then. I got into the bed with him pulling him into my arms and then I looked to Lucas in exasperation. He nodded and bit down on the boy's exposed shoulder. I prepared myself for a few rocky years with my odd little pack of friends. After this I was going to visit Vlad, Marina, and Joseph, I missed my wolves. I ran a soothing hand over the boy's face when he whimpered out. I was getting better at this, he had yet to scream, and I took some pride in that. I wondered what talent he would have; Lucas had a knack for picking the ones with some hidden talent after all.

**1937-Over the Central Pacific Ocean**

I leaned to look out from the plane's cockpit, I sighed, Seriously I should have known a female Pilot would draw a lot of attention. I just figured it wouldn't be THIS much; suddenly I was very glad I had been so thorough in inventing my fake identity. Amelia Earhart was going to have to disappear, that was the real purpose of this flight. I had to disappear. It was a pity; it had been very fun while it had lasted. I gripped the wheel, anxious, even though I knew it wouldn't harm me flying into the ocean was definitely disconcerting.

I loved flying, it was very liberating, I loved everything about it and I'd be very sad to let it go. Obviously I wouldn't be able to go near a plane for a few years at least, not with everyone wondering where Earhart had gone. Some would not believe I was truly dead, and they would be right, most would though. Still it was best to get out of the public eye for a few years, maybe I should stay with Lucas or Vlad for a while. I held my breath and made the plane take a sharp dive.

**1947-Juilliard's academy of Art**

Ahh, graduation, it was never tiring to be finally done with school. Though I loved spending time here, Juilliard's was certainly worth the price of admission. There were all sorts of things I learned here and some of it had even been new. Brushing up on the basics was never a bad thing though. Maybe I'd go to medical school again, Nursing was very enjoyable I liked helping people. It was amazing to me how far I had come, from that scared little girl sitting in the woods; to a self-controlled woman I was now. Human blood didn't bother me in the slightest anymore, and I was glad for that. The only thing that made me frown was that letter from crystal I had received today. She had met someone, a human woman, that she desired so much she wanted to turn her. I wasn't sure how I felt about this because I didn't want her to get hurt.

Sherry sounded like a nice girl but Crystal had yet to actually approach her. She preferred to watch her from the shadows; it was distressing because I didn't want her to get hurt. If this girl Sherry didn't return her feelings she would be devastated. I clutched at the iron cross that never left my neck and wondered what Carlisle would have done in my position. I sighed; I would go to them and see this girl for myself. I would help them control her if she was turned; I loved Crystal enough to do that for her.

**1954-Hollywood**

My bike purred as I revved it, I couldn't stop smiling; I was really beginning to enjoy this decade. Maybell sped up to my side; I smiled at her even though she couldn't see it through my helmet. We were the Hell's Bells; I had laughed so hard when she told me our new name. It was the same day she gave me this jacket, she had made it herself, Maybell was truly a girl after my own heart. She was a lot like me in many ways, and in others she was my opposite. Still, I loved her; she was the personification of a human to me. She loved life and she wasn't afraid of living it like most.

Every day with her was an adventure, she was wild, she was fun and she was captivating. She didn't fear love like I did; she embraced it. Maybell loved a lot of men, some for only one night, some she still loved, and some she only loved for a moment. I wished I had her courage, I didn't, I didn't want to fall in love because I feared what would happen when I hit the ground. Maybell loved so freely, but she also got her heart broken more times than I cared to count. I watched her heartbreak and every time it got a little harder for me to consol her. Maybell loved life, maybe a little too much.

**1967-Dallas, Texas**

The sky was always clear here, and the bustle of the city was nice. Someone was always up and about; it wasn't hard to find something to do in a town this big. No one asked very many questions, I liked that, but as I stepped out of the theater I knew I'd be leaving this city today. I made a few friends working out of a little café on the east side of town but I was growing restless again. It was time to move on, maybe I'd leave America, see Japan again, that sounded nice about now. In fact, I'd pack and leave tomorrow no sense in waiting around for something. I was going to miss America; Elvis just wouldn't sound the same anywhere else.

**1978- Southeast Asia**

The roar sent the birds flying, a tiger was on the hunt tonight, I smiled and so was I. I liked big cats the best; they didn't taste quite so horrible as the rest did. However, I think I liked hunting more than I did the result, and that surprised me since I detested harming anything. It was the thrill of it all, stalking my prey, the absolute focus, and the quiet just before I attacked; it was all very primal. It made me feel alive in a crazy way, and it made me feel less like a monster more like an animal. If I was a predator, like the big jungle cats I liked so much than I wasn't a monster because animals weren't monsters. Animals did what was necessary to live, no more, no less and I liked that. It was understandable, it was natural, it was what made life continue on because everything died eventually. At least, everything but me.

**1988-L.A.**

There were many benefits of being a veterinarian, helping sick animals, practice putting my choice prey at ease around me, but mostly I think being able to buy animal blood was the perk I liked the most. I had definitely gotten better at this human thing; even most animals had trouble seeing me for what I was now. I liked that as it was very convenient not having to explain why dogs howled and ran ever time I walked by. Or why cats hissed and spit in my direction sensing the predator inside of me. There was a downside though; I couldn't order exotic blood without having a valid explanation, which was rather irritating. That was the reason I was heading to San Diego next, a zoo was a perfect cover for my exotic tastes and I.

**1999-Phoenix**

The sun was always shining here, the heat always pressing down on you and being pale made me stand out some. But I was beginning to like Phoenix, it had character and it had a life to it I loved. Big cities were always the best to hide in; no one questioned you for being up and about at three in the morning. It made life interesting, and not having to spend the whole night at home was fun. I loved my new house, but it wasn't quite big enough to hold all my favorite things. I would have to get a bigger one on the next move, one with plenty of guestrooms so I can invite my friends over for a time. It was getting harder and harder to remain alone like this all the time. I had hoped that it would get easier, it hadn't, and Lucas' constant invitations were becoming harder to deny. I loved every one of my friends, but they weren't my family…at least not in the way they hoped for. Carlisle had been my family, and even though it has been centuries since his loose I cannot find it in me to go about replacing him.

It seemed wrong somehow, like I wasn't honoring his memory if I found someone to call family again. I didn't want to let him go and I knew once I found someone to fill this void in my life I would. I hated that; I didn't want to give him up even if he was long since gone from this world. I remembered him, I remembered his smile, I remembered his laugh, I remembered the feeling of his arms around me, and I didn't want to forget that not ever. Someone once told me, the ones I loved never truly died if I carried their memory with me always. My worst fear was that one-day I would find I couldn't remember what he smelled like, or how his eyes twinkled when I made a fool of myself. I feared that one-day I would forget him and he would fade as all my other human memories had begun to fade.

I couldn't remember my mother's face, or my father's stern gaze, but I remembered him. Carlisle was everything to me, now and then; I did not want to let him go for the world. However, I was so lonely, so very lonely all the time and it was getting harder to be alone. I didn't want to let him go but I knew that I would have to one day so that this loneliness wouldn't consume me. It just wouldn't be any time soon. I still made as many human friends as I could, even though each time they passed it hurt just a little more inside. Making friends had been my goal when I had first stepped out into this world and I would continue to do so as long as my heart allowed.

**2006-Forks, Washington**

I looked at my new house; it was beautiful and big enough to actually hold a good deal of my things. I chuckled at the thought and went to work getting everything unpacked. It took all nigh but I got everything done in time so had enough time before school to get to work on myself. I sighed as I looked to the mirror, this was going to take a few hours but it would be worth it in the end.

I had gotten better, and better at appearing human over the years. It only got easier as technology advanced and I learned new methods to hide my inhuman features. I think my favorite was the contacts, I had designed them myself and they worked really well. I chose brown because the gold of my eyes gave the brown more depth. It looked more realistic that way, and I had finally managed to make them last a full eight hours before they dissolved under the venom.

My next favorite was the new and improved, 'human skin cream' as I liked to call it. Now I not only got my skin a more natural looking color I had managed to use the 'heating patch' concept to make my skin less cold to touch. Sure I was still a bit colder than a normal human but I was sure I'd work out that bug soon enough. I added some blush after I got every inch of skin on my body; it gave the appearance of life to my deathly pale face.

I curled my long hair a bit, and then chose my outfit for today. It would be the first day of school, always a stressful day for me, and I needed to go in there feeling confident. I wanted to make some friends again; I was already missing the ones I had just recently left. It still stunned Lucas, and Vlad that I still was so active in befriending humans. However, I liked humans they reminded me of why my choice was the right one.

Besides, since I spent so much time around them I had become an unbelievably good actor because I could pull off humanity very well. I finally settled on a blue v-neck sweater, it gave my skin a good illusion of a healthy glow, a pair of skinny dark blue jeans and some boots. After a brief debate I picked up my leather jacket that had embroidered wings on the back with the name 'Hell's Bells' on the back. A memento from the fifties when I rode with a pack of human girls and those were some good times.

I almost took my old Chevy truck to school before I decided that hell with it, grabbed my satchel, my black racing helmet and the keys to my classic Harley Davison Motorcycle. After all it was best to not falsely advertise what I was, I had always been a bit of a rebel even as a human and it wasn't something I was ashamed of at all. I giggled thinking about the look on the faces of the students when they got a load of the new girl.

I slung my pack over my shoulder, pulled my hair up into my helmet and roared my bike to life. I sped off fast, heading to my new school and my new life. I was Bella Swan; I would face this as I had done everything else, head-on and defiant. I pulled in to the parking lot and immediately I felt the eyes on me. I smirked beneath my tinted helmet and decided to give them a little show. I spun the bike around too fast for them to process and skidded gracefully into a parking space without ever slowing down.

The bike hummed happily beneath me and I turned the key turning off the bike while twirling the keys in my hand. I clipped them to one of my jean's belt loops and unbuckled my helmet. I shook my hair out when I got it off and let it cascade down to the small of my back. I popped out the kickstand and swung my leg gracefully off my lovely bike. I strapped the helmet to the back and headed to the office with every eye trained on me still.

I did my best to not show how uncomfortable that made me feel, and made my way with seeming disinterest into the office. I got my schedule from a woman that made me feel very overdressed in her funny looking purple shirt and a map to go with it. While I was finding my locker I ran into a rather tall girl, and I liked her immediately just from that. "Hello, I'm Bella Swan I'm new here you wouldn't happen to know where locker 314 is?" I smiled at her brightly and warmly. She smiled back kindly, "Sure I'd be happy to help you today if you need it, it must be tough moving somewhere new."

I beamed up at her and grabbed her arm to link it with mine. "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship! What is your name? I'll need to know it if you're going to be my buddy!" I giggled at her and she chuckled along with me, "I'm Angela, yes, definitely a start of a beautiful friendship!" She showed me to my locker and it turns out we had first period together so she walked me there. I was glad and I managed to snag a seat next to her before someone else sat there.

Reading was one of my favorite pass-times, something no doubt that lingered from my human days and the though brought a small smile to my face. I fingered the iron cross on it thick chain under my sweater, it hadn't ever taken it off and though the leather had long since deteriorated I had plenty of thick chains for it. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about Carlisle, mostly because he was long since dead by now. I regretted that I had never gotten the chance to say goodbye to him and I missed being that close to someone.

Carlisle had been my first friend and my only confidant, if I could talk to him now there would be no doubt I would probably spill nearly four centuries of life stories to him. I smiled sadly and snapped myself out of it when the bell rang for the next class. Angela guided my to my second period but then she had to leave quickly to go to her own. No one really approached me yet, I think they were intimidated but I didn't mind so much. I liked Angela; I was fine for her as my only friend here for now.

The next two periods ended quickly for me, mostly because I kept myself occupied with thoughts of what improvements I could do to my new house. I was already wondering if I could invite Angela over for a sleepover, she'd be the only one sleeping but she didn't need to know that. I had become a good judge of character over the years, at least I hoped so, and Angela seemed to me like best friend material.

I met up with her just outside the cafeteria, and she smiled brightly at me when she saw me. I blinked and tilted my head to study her more closely, "Do you mind if I call you Angie?" She laughed at my random question and nodded her head before linking our arms to pull me along to the lunch line. Oh how I dreaded this, eating human food was like eating dirt but I couldn't not eat it would look weird. It was something people noticed after a while and I had yet to find a solution to this particular problem. I sighed and grabbed a red apple with a lemonade bottle.

I could get away with this for today. Angie dragged me over to her usual table and introduced me to her little circle of friends, Mike, Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Erick, and Ben. I liked Ben the best next to Angie; Mike made me uncomfortable with his 'discrete' looks at my body. Jessica and Lauren had a bitter air about them I didn't like they reminded me of all the bullies I had encountered. Tyler and Erick made me almost as uncomfortable as Mike they were just better at sneaking glances than him.

I was in the middle of joining in on their light conversation when I smelled them, a group of vampires and the next moment I saw them. I nearly laughed out loud but I managed to stop myself. They were just so, so, obvious though I couldn't keep in my little giggle looking at them. They all had trays of food as props and sat down at a table looking bored out of their minds. Especially the bronze-haired boy. They were looking away so I took the chance to give them all a quick once over, I almost died of shock when I saw Alice. I guessed she hadn't been wrong after all, I wondered if she remembered me or if she had forgotten me like she had feared.

I looked at him and shifted, I bit my lips I couldn't let the opportunity to mess with them just go. Lucas told me repeatedly that my disguise had gotten so good it made him question if I was truly a vampire now. I wanted to test that theory now; I wanted to see if these vampires could spot me for what I really am. I turned and asked Jessica (gossip) who they were sure in the knowledge that she would know. She didn't disappoint.

"Those are the Cullens, Dr. Cullen adopted them all but they all are…you know…_together_. The blonds are Jasper and Rosalie Hale, their twins. The big one there is Emmett, he and Rosalie are a couple. The small one is Alice Cullen she's with Jasper. And the Bronze haired one is Edward, he's single but he doesn't date, apparently no one is good enough for him." She said this with a touch of bitterness and I knew then she had been faced with his rejection.

I glanced over my shoulder to look at them from the corner of my eye, Edward was watching us now and he had probably heard everything. I smirked and brought the apple to my lips and took a bite. I grimaced on the inside, it was worse than eating dirt; I swallowed quickly and took another bite. I could feel his eyes on my back still and fought the instinct to turn around. Instead I smirked with the apple covering my mouth I whispered quickly, "Silly Vampires, food is for humans." I didn't need to turn around to know they were all staring at my back now.

I laughed and got up to throw away my 'lunch' before the bell could ring. "See ya, Angie!" I called out over my shoulder and made my way out the door just as the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I had gotten better at imitating humans, I even liked the new ways they talked, and it was always fun learning the new slang. I got my biology book out of my locker and held in a scuff at the cover. For someone who had been to medical school four times this class was ridiculously easy.

This was one of the only bad things about being a vampire, the repeats; it was dull and pure torture going through this every time I wanted to be a doctor again. Being a nurse would never compare to being an actual doctor, I was glad that men had finally worked up the courage to acknowledge that women were equals. I walked slowly to my new class, taking my time, I didn't exactly want to get there too early and have to suffer longer.

My mind wondered back to Carlisle again, I had been doing that a lot lately, thinking of him. I still remembered his handsome face, his blond hair and his warm blue eyes. My memories of my human past weren't very clear, at least not the ones of my real family, I couldn't remember my mothers face or my father's voice. The only thing that stayed with me in amazing clarity was all the times I spent with Carlisle. I remembered his laugh, I could always make him laugh even when I wasn't trying, I remembered his reserved nature around everyone but me.

I remembered our secret tutoring sessions, the way his eyes lit up when he was curious about something and the way he was always so stiff around when anyone else was around. He had been a reserved man, open and very friendly but still very controlled. His father taught him to be that way, always so stiff and polite. I wasn't anything like that and I made sure to bring out his 'wild' side. When we were alone, when it was just, him and me, the real Carlisle came out…just for me.

I had never been so close to anyone else, before or after Carlisle, never. I guess some part of my heart didn't want to accept anyone but him. I clung to his memory, maybe that was the reason I could remember him so well when everything else had dulled and faded from my memory over time. I was a 371 year old vampire who had never gotten over the loose of one of my closest friends, how pathetic was I?

The classroom was just to close now and I could stall no longer going inside with a barely audible sigh. I gave my slip to the teacher and he directed me to sit down next to one Edward Cullen. I blinked at him, just realizing he was there, and I guess I was really out of it today. I sat down, stumbling a little with a practiced clumsiness and I gave him a tiny smile. He was staring at me again, a look of frustration coloring his features and I wondered why it was so.

It was rude of him to stare at me so, no it was more like he was glaring at me, really, and I had done nothing to him why was he being such an ass? I took that as a sign to glare right back at him and study his face up close without any pretenses between us. He really was a beautiful vampire man, almost as gorgeous as Lucas, but his rude attitude put me off. I grew tired of his glare and used my hair to create a curtain between us so I didn't have to look at him. Also so he couldn't look at me either.

It was going to be a long year; his eyes were a familiar topaz so at least I didn't have to worry about that. I didn't want to think of what I would have done if I had to deal with human feeding vampire going to my new school. I would have tried to stop them, I knew myself, and I wouldn't be able to sit by as they killed people. I barely paid attention to the teacher, I didn't need to I could and have taught this class myself. Edward was still staring at me but he wasn't glaring at me any longer, just staring. It was really unnerving to be under his intense gaze.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, twirling a piece of my hair around my finger and I nibbled on my lip a little bit. I upped me act, I wondered if he could tell my heart didn't beat in a room full of humans. If he didn't think I was a vampire I wondered what he thought I was, so I ran some theories in my head. What would I think in his place, hmm, bitten by a radioactive spider? No, walking corpse, no that WAS a vampire. Hmm, maybe there was a reason he was frustrated at me! I was getting frustrated with myself and I knew what I was! I giggled under my breath no longer paying Edward any mind. He had his reasons to glare, so I let him glare or stare.

The bell finally rung and I got up putting my stuff away at a slow human pace before I threw it over my shoulder. I was just about to leave when Edward's hand shot out and gripped my arm very tightly. Had I been human _that_ would have shattered my arms pretty easily, I turned to him with a raised eyebrow. Really, if I hadn't been anything but a vampire I could have been hurt. His stunned face almost made me giggle again, almost.

"Sooo, you gonna tell me what this is all about or are you just going to continue to grip my arm?" I asked lightly, really wondering what he was thinking. He dropped my arm like he had been burned, I nearly lost it then but he had been annoying me too much to give in just yet. "I wanted to talk to you, will you wait after school? My family wants to discuss something with you." He requested politely and I tilted my head to study him. He was so strange, one moment he's glaring, next he's staring, and then he's all gentlemanly, could vampires be bi-polar? I couldn't stop it then, I really tried, but it was no use the giggle escaped me. "Sure." I replied lightly before stumbling my way out of the classroom in a very human looking way.

I had been hoping they would do the guessing game for a bit before they decided to confront me but really I should have known better. Vampires aren't built to wait around for things, we are given everything to just take whatever it is we desire so why wait? It was a very Pirate lifestyle and one of the reasons I did so well as a Pirate myself. I didn't like to wait, as I turned to look at the clock I realized I would have to wait another two hours before meeting them. I sighed, I might not like waiting but after almost four centuries of it I had learned patience the hard way.

The classes were dull; I barely paid them any mind really and just sat there occasionally glancing at the clock to see if the day was closer to ending. I found myself thinking of Carlisle again, it was weird, for some reason today he was coming to the forefront of my mind like he was right beside me. I thought back to what could have brought this on so suddenly, and for some reason my mind went to Edward.

For some reason Edward reminded me of Carlisle, not in his looks or his attitude (definitely not that he was too bi-polar) but in his expressions. When Carlisle was frustrated he used to get this heated look to his eyes like he was trying to burn you with them. I stopped myself from laughing, Edward definitely had that too when he was glaring at me. Also just the way he looked so stunned before, I frequently stunned Carlisle with silly requests or actions and his face was the same.

That must be it, the reason, Edward reminded me of Carlisle or I was just thinking on this too much. However, my thoughts were so absorbed in those two that before I knew it the school day had ended. I made my way to my locker, getting my things and then I headed to the office to hand in the slip she had given me. After that I just waited by my bike, leaning against it and waiting for everyone to leave.

The Cullens were standing by the silver Volvo staring at me; I shifted and smiled at them in amusement. They had yet to move, still as statues really. It was really sad how bad they were at pretending to be human. I had run across some very interesting vampires but it still amazed me how horrible they all were at pretending to be human. It was like they put no effort into it. Even Lucas and my silly little friends had a hard time acting human.

Soon enough the parking lot was empty, leaving just my fellow vampires and I in a staring contest for the ages. I smiled and beckoned them over; they looked weary, cautious as they approached. The big one looked excited, like a child who had been given to much candy and needed to be wound down slowly. The tall blond male looked ready for a fight, and from the scars on him I could tell he was more than ready to do whatever it took to protect his family. They all looked ready for a fight in fact, that simply wouldn't do at all.

The blonde girl, Rosalie, looked a bit put out by something but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what. Edward still looked frustrated but he also looked conflicted by something. Alice, Alice looked like she was trying to remember something she had forgotten. I smiled sadly at her, she had told me she wouldn't be able to remember that she'd forget and a part of me was glad. I didn't want her to remember that horrible place. They all stood before me, ready for anything, and cautious.

I couldn't help it, I laughed, and just the thought of me ever hurting anyone was funny. I just couldn't do that, it wasn't in my nature to hurt anyone and to think they thought I was here to harm them was amusing. "Relax," I said between giggles, "I'm not going to do anything bad to you guys!" Some of the tension left them but the cautiousness remained. "What ARE you?" Edward asked, obviously he was an impatient one. I giggled; I couldn't help it his expression really did remind me of Carlisle now that I was looking for it. "Why don't you tell me?"

"We wouldn't be asking if we knew," the blonde girl sniffed at me, I smiled at her brightly I liked her attitude. She seemed like the type of girl that didn't take anything from anyone, I definitely liked that. "I like you! You definitely got sass!" I said brightly laughing at their stunned expressions, though I did catch the big one stifling a chuckle. "Just tell us how you knew we were…what we are." The blond man asked…obviously he wasn't one for patience.

I grinned at him, "but its so much more fun making you guess! Besides I already know what you all are! I mean could you be anymore conspicuous? Seriously, you all could use some lessons on how to act _human_." They all looked at me pretty exasperated, I sighed, "Fine ruin my fun…I'm one of you too, you know, venom and all!" I said gesturing to my body with a wave of my hand. "What, how? You don't look like any vampire I've ever seen!" Alice exclaimed, maybe a little too loudly.

I shook my head at her, "Seriously Alice, did you never learn discretion? I'm just better at pretending than you guys…**obviously**," I smiled and held out my hand "I'm Bella and I do believe none of you have properly introduced yourselves! Society today!" I shook my head at them mockingly and that did it the big one, Emmett, broke down laughing. I smiled brightly at him in return and he gripped my hand shaking my entire arm enthusiastically, "I'm Emmett, I like you already!" I chuckled at him and held my hand out to Rosalie.

She grasped it reluctantly and shook my hand daintily, "I'm Rosalie." I beamed at her and used her arm to pull her into a hug, "I'll call you Rose!" She looked a bit embarrassed by my antics but I could see she was fighting a smile. Alice happily skipped up to me and held out her hand for a shake. I just laughed and opened my arms for her; she dove into my embrace in a familiar way. Her face took on a bewildered expression when she looked up at me. It was then I noticed the butterfly pin in her hair; I smiled and traced a finger over it. "You know Alice I wish you'd remember me already so I could ask you how you ended up like this?" I said it absentmindedly still caught up in the past but the effect was immediate the entire group tensed.

I tilted my head to study them with their suddenly more tense stances, "Seriously, what is up with you guys?" I looked at Alice and she looked a bit devastated, I smiled gently and took her back in my arms. I started to hum my favorite Debussy in her ear, like I used to when she was younger and she immediately relaxed listening to my Claire de lune as I hummed. I held her smaller form to mine when she suddenly pulled away and stared very intensely at my face as if she was trying to find the answers to the universe there. I just shook my head, "It's alright if you don't remember me, my little pixie-girl," I smiled at her, "when I left I told you it's alright if you forgot me…because I could never forget you!"

She looked so stunned and lost I couldn't help it…I wanted to help her. Suddenly struck by inspiration I traced the butterfly hairpin in her hair and said, "I gave this to you the day I left, I remember finding you crying that day. When I asked you why you said it was because you were going to forget me and you really didn't want to." I laughed softly at her expression my attention so focused on her I didn't notice the others. "So I pulled this pin right out of my hair and gave it to you, it was very precious to me I'm glad you kept it. I remember how confused you made me all the time, especially on that day. You smiled when I gave it to you 'cause you said now you had something to hold onto even if you forgot me for a time. You told me you'd see me again one day and that'd you remember eventually."

"I'm sorry, I have a hard time remembering my human life…it all just darkness for me," She looked so sad then I had to reassure her. "Don't be sad I'm sure if I spent most of my time in a cationic state most of my human memories would be gone too! You're still my pixie-girl though!" I said laughing. She danced over to the blond man and pulled him up to me, "This is my husband Jasper! I hope you'll like him!" I giggled at her, "If he managed to capture your heart I'm sure he's a good man," I smiled at him and held out my hand, he shook it firmly.

I liked him, he was a little stiff but I guess Alice balanced him out because she was so free and wild. Last, but not least, I turned to Edward holding out my hand. He took it hesitantly and immediately I felt like my entire arm was electrocuted, I ignored it. He was enticing strange reaction from me since the moment I laid eyes on him…I hoped they went away soon. I smiled, he said, "I'm Edward". "Nice to meet you properly Edward I'm Bella!" I stepped back from them and lightly sat on my bike waiting for them to adjust to the situation.

"Would you come over tonight to meet our family?" Alice asked enthusiastically, of course she was always one to a quick recovery. I smiled a bit and tilted my head to study them. They did look like a family, there was a closeness to them I didn't see often among Vampires. The only other that compared was Lucas' family, or coven, and it seemed more like they were just really close friends. At least that's how it seemed to me; I wasn't the best judge though since I didn't spend too much time around Lucas and the rest.

"Sure pixie-girl, I'd love to meet your family," I put my finger to my lip in thought for a bit, "but first let me slip out of my humanity!" I laughed at them; "Well I can tell I make you uncomfortable because I look so…well you know. I just thought that it might be best if I showed up without all this on!" I smiled and swung my legs over to straddle my bike and reached behind me to grab my helmet (even though I didn't need it…appearances and all). "So I'll head over to your place around six, okay?" I revved the motor to life and it purred for me.

"WAIT! You don't know where we live!" Alice said looking a bit distressed. I giggled a bit and looked at each of them wondering, "Well which one of you is the fastest?" Alice looked confused, "Edward, why?" "Good, hop on Edward!" I said patting behind me, and I couldn't stop my laugh when I saw their shocked faces. "Well, he's the fastest! I'll take him home, get changed and all that, then we'll run over to your place! That is…if that's alright with you Edward?" He looked a little dazed so I gave him a minute to respond and he did eventually, "I don't mind." I took that as a yes, I watched him toss his keys to Jasper and then he slipped onto the bike with more grace than I could have.

"Hold on tight," I revved the motor and pulled the visor of the helmet down to cover my face. He gripped my waist lightly and I rolled my eyes. I took his hands and wrapped them firmly around my waist, "I hope you don't mind going fast!" Then we were off like a rocket, speeding down the road and quickly going my pretty bike's maximum 220 mph. I was glad I had put his hands more firmly around me or else I was sure Edward would have slid right off the back he was so startled. I laughed joyously at the speed and quickly weaved my way through traffic.

We made it home in a record ten minutes; I just pulled smoothly into my garage and cut the engine. I got off the bike after Edward and strapped my helmet to the seat again. "Okay so I guess you'll be getting the grand tour before anyone else!" I smiled brightly at him and took his hand to drag him inside. I immediately tossed my jacket on the coat hanger and slipped my boots off. I twirled around in the living room because I couldn't help being excited at the prospect of making some new friends. I smiled at Edward, who was just staring at me quizzically; I took his hand and blatantly ignored the fluttering inside my stomach.

I pulled him through the living room, "So obviously this is the living room," I pulled him down the hall, "this is the kitchen/dining room," I circled around and lead him further down, "This is the entertainment room complete with a surround sound and movies from EVERYWHERE!" I smiled at him brightly, "This is the memento room it just has all my sentimental knick-knacks," I tugged him along, "This is the game room, board games, video games, you name I probably have it!" I ignored the last door and was going to pull him upstairs but he stopped me.

"What's this room?" he asked and I ducked my head behind my hair and quickly replied, "Oh, that's just my dance studio/music room!" I laughed nervously and tugged him up the stairs quickly. I didn't mind so much performing in front of a large audience, it was the smaller more intimate ones I had trouble with and I still had a small, tiny really problem with attention. I took him upstairs and showed him the three guestrooms, bypassing the restrooms altogether, and then he got a brief look at my room. Then I showed him my study/library, and then I pulled him down to the living room again.

"Okay, well, you just make yourself at home while I get ready, feel free to explore I know I can get a bit overzealous when it comes to making new friends!" I smiled brightly at him, "Sorry if I was a bit forward!" I headed back upstairs before he could reply. I was quick in the shower, scrubbing everything off fast so that Edward wouldn't have to wait very long for me. I decided against blow-drying my hair because it would take too long. It would probably dry itself during our run anyway.

I was a bit stuck on what to wear though, what does one wear when meeting up with vampires so similar to you for the first time? I didn't know, I nibbled on my bottom lip in uncertainty for a bit and finally I decided. I may have been a rebel growing up but I had always loved dresses, secretly. I had learned a lot over the years and I had been apprenticed to a few seamstresses throughout the years. Which was why most of my closet was filled up with clothes I had MADE and not BOUGHT. It was one of the things I was so proud of, doing something like this on my own.

So I picked out one of my creations, a light blue dress, it had an empire waistline and it flared out just right. It looked a little like a vintage fifties dress but mine was made of cotton so it was softer. It had a half-sleeve and a V-neck line that was modest. I put on a black pair of slip-ons that reminded me a bit of ballerina slippers and placed my iron cross under the dress so only the chain was showing. Ready, I made my way downstairs where Edward was waiting, still as a statue at the bottom of the stairs. Seriously, I needed to teach them all how to behave in a more human-like way, they just stood out way too much.

He wasn't paying much attention, staring off to space looking out my window; I wanted to meet his whole family though so I called out to get his attention. "Hey. You know you could have moved? You didn't have to stand there the entire time!" I laughed when he turned around clearly he was stunned I managed to sneak up on him. That's what he got for being so distracted! I made my way down the stairs quickly enough and stood in front of him waiting for him to lead the way. He didn't move at all just continued to stare at me, apparently he was easily distracted. I tried not to stare back at him; honestly, Edward made me curious because he was so quiet all the time.

One moment he's a polite gentleman, the next his glaring at me in frustration, then he's quick to ask burning questions but he doesn't talk to me unless he HAD to, really it all was interesting. In a frustrating, what the hell sort of way. "Are you waiting for something or can we go now?" I asked just to be cheeky, he finally shook himself out of whatever funk he was in. Then I made a big mistake I looked up and caught his eyes with my own for the first time since meeting him.

Our eyes locked, I couldn't look away it was like I was drowning in his intense star but I didn't fight it. He really was handsome, Lucas was more beautiful than handsome but I liked the way Edward looked. The thought scared me enough to look away and I followed him out the door quiet, for once. I didn't like this, this fluttery feeling I got when I looked at him and the way touching him made me feel. It was frightening and I didn't like it…not…one…bit.

I ran beside him absentminded; if I had been paying attention I might have noticed how surprised he looked. I had plenty of opportunities to have a relationship with a man, plenty, and I never once ever considered it. Yet Edward fascinated me, and made me feel nervous. He made my stomach flutter and my tingle every time we touched. I didn't know what to make of it, why did Edward invoke such reactions in me when no one else ever had? I didn't want to know and resolved to ignore it.

As we ran up to the house I couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was, so open and classic looking. I let Edward go ahead of me so I could get a moment to compose myself. Edward went in first greeting the ones waiting for us at the door and then he called to someone up stairs. I was nervous, I had never met a family of vampires so big before and I didn't know how I was expected to behave to the 'father' of them.

I looked up and the first thing my eyes saw was a blond man coming down the stairs nose buried in a book. He looked up and our eyes connected, it felt like all the air had been knocked out of me in that moment. I took in a sharp intake of unnecessary air at the same time as he did; the only other sound was the dull thud of his book as it hit the ground. It was like time had stopped and I stood paralyzed staring at him, staring at me. I wanted to move but it was like I was frozen in place, no one moved probably too stunned by our reactions to each other.

My eyes had to be deceiving me, this couldn't be real; this had to be some sick illusion or a twisted fantasy on my part. This was just some deranged waking dream my weary mind had brought to life because I was missing him so much. He couldn't be standing not three feet from me, alive. And yet I wanted it to be true, I had to know if this was some Freudian slip of the mind or reality. So I found the strength to whisper on word in my frozen petrified state, "Carlisle…". Then just like that it was as if a spell had been broken, recognition flooded his features and his eyes got really wide like they always had when he was surprised.

"Bella…" he whispered his right arm rising as if to reach out to me, "Bells, my little bird, is that really you?" He asked tone still disbelieving and I choked back a sob, "Carlisle!" I couldn't take standing there frozen anymore and as if some great electrifying shock had run through me I leaped at him crying out in joy. He opened his arms wide, just like he had always done and we fell to the ground together. I was sobbing dryly as I clutched at him; arms firmly encircled around his neck while his held me strongly around my waist.

He crushed me to his chest holding me to him whispering in my ear over and over, "Bella, my Bella," I couldn't believe it. "Promise me this isn't some cruel illusion Carlisle, promise me you're really here." I said quietly voice on the verge of breaking. He kissed the top of my head and held me tighter in his arms, "I'm here, I'm here Bella, my little bird". I pulled back just enough to stare into his eyes, Carlisle could never lie to me, never, and I saw the truth in his eyes. It made a believer out of me, "How are you here?" I just couldn't come to grips with it, here he was my family, my Carlisle, my best friend, my rock and he was alive.

I had mourned his loose for so long I just couldn't come to grips with having him back so suddenly. Still as he held me closer, sitting up and pulling me into his lap arms firmly wrapped around me it was as if he had never left. As if I had just seen him yesterday and not well over three centuries ago, it was as if nothing had separated us. He tucked my head under his chin; one hand ran soothing circles on my back while the other cradled me to him. "I could ask you the same thing my little bird, how are you here with me?" I inhaled deeply taking in his scent, one of the things I never forgot, he still smelled of the garden in the fall, rich and earthy. Then I caught something else, something new, and pulled back to blink up at him head tilted in question.

"Yes, Little Bird?" I examined him for a moment and finally replied, "Carlisle, why do you smell like potatoes?" That did it, he looked startled for a minute and then he burst out laughing. MY laugh, the laugh only I seemed to invoke out of him, it was carefree, loud, and totally at ease. I smiled in response, and chuckled a bit with him. He stopped laughing after a bit and turned his **real** happy on me. Carlisle was almost always smiling politely, however, they weren't real smiles…this one was though.

"What the hell is going on!" someone yelled, and I turned to see everyone staring at us. I couldn't help it, I ducked my head in embarrassment hiding behind my hair and leaning in a bit more into Carlisle. I didn't know how to answer them, how did you explain seeing your very best friend for the first time in centuries? How do you explain your connection to someone to people who've probably known this person for countless years? Ours was a strange relationship, even when we were human, how did we explain that to them?

Carlisle was my best friend, my confidant, my rock, my first crush, the brother of my heart, the father of my mind, the missing piece in my life; he was all this and so much more to me. He was family, but it went deeper than that too. I loved him, but not in the way they were probably thinking right now. "Umm, well, yeah," I was stammering now and Carlisle looked equally as stumped on how to respond to that question. So I decided it was best to turn the direction of the conversation away from that for a while or at least until I could figure out how to answer.

"How did you become a Vampire Carlisle?" I asked turning to face him blatantly ignoring everyone else to save me from the embarrassment of looking at their disbelieving faces. Someone cleared their throat rather loudly and

I turned to see a pretty woman I hadn't met yet. She had a very friendly face, but something in her eyes, a nervousness, made me pause.

I really wanted to know how Carlisle, my dearest Carlisle ended up becoming something he had hunted the world over once upon a time. I didn't want to leave his side now that I had finally gotten him back, it had only take three centuries (almost Four) to have him here with me again. Yet, as I finally took in his new family's faces I knew he would need to tell them about me, calm them down and really keep me from ruining what he had built. I knew when to step away, I knew when to go and right now it was time for me to leave and be alone once more.

The thought made the hole in my heart so much more noticeable now, funny, I'd been walking around hollow and hadn't noticed until something had filled it up for a moment. I turned to look at Carlisle's conflicted face, he wanted to go to them, to go to her but he didn't want to loose his hold on me either. I would not let him make that choice, "Carlisle?" I got his attention and when he turned to face me I kissed him on the cheek, "Perhaps it would be best if I were to go for now, I believe there is some explanations that need to be done before we can have our reunion." That said I got up from his lap, he grabbed my hand stopping me and his eyes were so sad, "Don't fly away little bird I just got you back."

I kneeled down so our faces were level and rested my forehead against his, "This bird knows the way home now, and I'll come back in the morning when you've had a chance to explain." I stood up then and this time he let me go. I didn't look back, it would have been to hard to walk away then, and I kept going putting myself out of Carlisle's life once more.

He had a family, a real family, one that relied on him and loved him so very dearly. I didn't begrudge him that; it was my own choice not to let anyone fill up the space he had left in my heart. I could have had what he had back there, I could have had a home with the ones I loved and ones that loved me. I had walked away every time, I ran away from Lucas, I ran from Vlad's pack, I ran from the chance to replace him but that did not mean he could not replace me.

It would seem I had been replaced, while I wallowed alone refusing to let anyone take his place in my heart Carlisle made room in his for others. He was and is stronger than me. Carlisle's heart was so big, he loved so freely that it was no wonder he had found so many that were drawn to his light. He was like the sun, warming everything he touched and I had no right to be anger he had a family now. But I was a little sad, he had been my everything once, he was my sun, my moon, my stars, but he couldn't be mine anymore. Now he was an OURS and I wasn't sure if I could handle that.

Refusing to get lost in my confusion I ran home, getting refuge from my relentless thoughts in my methodical movements. However, when I reached home, I found that I didn't want to stay there with its empty halls and with my hallow heart. I changed quickly, donning my human disguise thoughtlessly and only grabbing my ipod I headed out the door. At first I wasn't sure where I was headed, just that I wanted to be away from where I had been. It lead me to the ocean, to the beach, where the cloudy overcast made my human guise unnecessary but I didn't care.

I listened to the rushing sound of the waves crashing on the rocks and the thing I had been avoiding snuck up on me here. I had never had to share Carlisle before, not when I was human and certainly not after I had been turned. I had kept his memory close to my heart all these years, not once had I shared it with anyone, not even Lucas and Vlad. I had kept him mine, kept him secret, he had been my past and I had never thought I'd have him in my future. I never spoke of him in detail to anyone; to my close immortal friends Carlisle was just a man who had given me the necklace I never parted with.

Yet now I was faced with having to share him freely with a whole family of people, something I had never shared before and I found I resented that. Carlisle had been MINE, MY sun, MY rock, MY friend, MY world and now I had to share that with a room full of people I barely knew. I didn't want to share him, he was mine, or at least he had been mine once. It was all so very frustrating I thought I could cry. But instead I simply put my headphones in my ears and pressed play.

I let my body express the anger, the anguish, the betrayal, I felt but couldn't let out. I got lost in it, in the memories of days gone past when I was the Pirate Queen riding the seven seas and there was nothing I couldn't take for my own. The sea, the sight, the smell, the very feel of it calmed me and brought me to those days when I was someone else. I had been searching the world over to find something to fill up that lost part of me, the place Carlisle had resided in. However, now that I had found him again it seemed like that void in me had spread and it couldn't be filled up with just him anymore.

No, not now that I had seen him again, so filled up with the love of his family that my mark on him was barely visible. I sighed as I leapt and twirled to the beat of the music playing in my ears. I must have been a sight, one pale girl dancing on the rocks in nothing but dance shorts with a tang-top. I didn't care, I needed to get this thing out of me the only way I knew how, I danced, and I danced. I danced my sorrow, I danced my regret, I danced my pain, and I even danced of my joy of finding him again.

Really that was all that mattered to me, I had been given him back, I had been given the impossible and I was sad about sharing? I must be more selfish than I thought if something like that was bothering me. I finally stopped dancing, and I let out a breath, I could share him… even though he wasn't mine to share anymore. In truth it would be them sharing him with me because I was no longer the biggest part of his life. I wished for not the first time that I could cry just a few tears, just a few, because getting something like this out of me would take some crying. I didn't want to sob dryly over something so small so I held it in, no matter how much I did not wish to.

As I took out my headphones I began to wonder what I would say to him, to them, come tomorrow morning. Would I tell them my whole story? Should I? Did I want them to know? Because confessing everything to just Carlisle wasn't an option any longer for me. Carlisle was a package deal now and to have him know was to tell the others. I didn't know if I could handle that, but I decided I would try. Just then as I resolved to give sharing everything for once a try I heard a deep rumbling growl from behind me. I turned and I couldn't believe me eyes….


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-What are you? EPOV

The very first thing I noticed when I got to school was the fact that no one was paying us much mind today and all their thoughts were focused on the new arrival. I almost laughed out loud when I saw from one of the boys' minds that her arrival was somewhat extraordinary, though I was sure it was slightly exaggerated in his mind. I snuck a look at the girl's bike and was reluctantly impressed with it.

Still I tried to put it out of my mind for now and concentrated on looking for any suspicious thoughts involving us. There was none, big surprise there. I did get a few glimpses of the new girl's face from the various minds I was looking at. _Wow, she's so beautiful. Wonder if she'd go out with me. _I seriously was getting tired of these obsessive thoughts of her, and the various lewd fantasies were very disturbing.

Miraculously I managed to make it to lunch without hitting on of the boys through a wall for their various crude fantasies about the new girl and my sisters. I really didn't want to think about them so after I got my prop and sat down I contented myself with staring at the crack in the ceiling. Sometimes I really hated my 'talent', I didn't want to know how much my brothers and sisters loved each other or how hot the new girl was; I just didn't want to know.

I was the only odd man out in my family and I knew my parents wanted me to find someone very badly. Esme hated seeing me alone, she was so sure I was terribly lonely but I could handle it. I had spent the last hundred years alone any more would not make that much of a difference. It wasn't like I didn't get offers, Tanya for one, but I just wasn't interested in anyone like that. What was the point? Tanya was beautiful but she was too shallow for me, too much like Rosalie for my tastes.

I wanted someone who I could be myself with, someone who didn't think about themselves obsessively or think about having relations with me. Besides, it wasn't as if I deserved something as special as love, I was a monster without a soul why would god give one such as me a gift like that. I killed people, I hunted them down, and I wasn't as good as Carlisle believed me to be I deserved to remain alone for my crimes.

Before I could get too into my thoughts about remaining alone for all of eternity I heard that horrible girl Jessica say our names, and the got my attention. _I shouldn't be so surprised she spotted them, she's pretty but I doubt Edward would have anything to do with her. I mean, he rejected __**me**__. I bet she was in a gang. _I turned my gazes to them and took in the new girl, well, took in what I could see. However, I couldn't hear anything from her and that was strange since people very rarely thought of nothing. I concentrated on her and still…nothing it was like she wasn't even there.

She was eating a shiny red apple, but I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, the barely there tensing in her shoulders told me that. If I didn't have such great eyesight as a monster I was sure I wouldn't be able to see it at all. She brought the apple up to her mouth and I was just about to dismiss her when she said something that caught everyone's attention. "Silly Vampires, food is for humans." It was barely more than a whisper but we all heard her loud and clear.

Everyone was staring at her now, trying to see if she was a threat to us, Alice looked to me and thought _what do you hear from her?_ I was distressed to know I could not help them, I couldn't hear anything from this girl! I shook my head and Alice tensed, she got that unfocused look in her eye…she was trying to see something. When she snapped out of it she looked like she was a shade away from panicking and she shook her head at me. My stomach clenched, I couldn't hear, Alice couldn't see, in desperation we both turned to Jasper at the same time.

He was already staring at the new girl, a concentrated look on his face but after a minute he turned to face me shock clearly written on his features. Great, I couldn't hear her; Jasper couldn't feel her and Alice couldn't see, who the hell was this girl? Then as if to mock us she laughed and practically _bounced_ out of the cafeteria and before I could even consider following her the bell rung. I didn't want to go to class but I couldn't leave now, it would raise too many questions.

Begrudgingly I made my way to biology and prepared myself for the onslaught of boredom that it was sure to bring. I was nervous, who was this girl? How did she know our secret? Where did she come from? I had all these questions without a way to get the answers and it bothered me. I sat down and waited for the day to finally end. I mildly thought of escaping so I could inform Carlisle of this new development when the new girl walked in.

She hadn't noticed me yet and that was frustrating in a strange way. I immediately tried to read her mind again hoping to solve the mysteries of this girl but it was fruitless. I was scowling by the time she noticed me, and the teacher directed her to sit next to me. She glared at me in response and locked eyes with me all the way to the seat. I took the time to really take in her features and I was speechless when I finally really looked at her.

Rosalie was beautiful, so was Tanya, but there was something indescribable about this girl. The way her hair flowed and the way her eyes heated up as she glared at me. I was somewhat disappointed when she sat down and used her hair to hide her face from me. It was then I realized that she didn't smell appetizing, just really appealing that was beyond words. I couldn't stop staring at her, she was a mystery and that was a thrilling and terrifying thing.

I was used to knowing things about people that no one else did, and with that came knowing almost everyone at first glance. I didn't and couldn't know her without going about it in the old fashioned way. She made me feel so utterly…normal…and that was a feeling I hadn't had in such a very long time. I wondered what exactly she was because she certainly was beyond humanity. As I watched her she shifted around biting her lip while twirling a piece of hair in her finger…I found all this oddly adorable and very distracting.

She giggled at seemingly nothing and it made me curious, what was she laughing at? Now more than ever I wished I could hear her thoughts. The bell rang and she got up to leave, something in me rebelled I didn't want to see her go. Desperate I grabbed her arm to stop her and used way too much force. Had she been human I would have shattered her arm, I was horrified at myself I hadn't mean to be so forceful. 

"Sooo, you gonna tell me what this is all about or are you just going to continue to grip my arm?" she asked lightly and I dropped her arm quickly still in shock of what I could've done…had she been human. I was sure now that whatever this girl was she certainly wasn't human. "I wanted to talk to you, will you wait after school? My family wants to discuss something with you." I said to cover my slip-up of strength. I was somewhat surprised when she said almost casually, "Sure."

The rest of the day went painfully slow, waiting for this confrontation and to see if we would have to move on again. This Bella girl knew our secret, she could expose us with just a few words and then we'd be in terrible danger. Yet, for some reason I couldn't bring myself to think negatively of her. While the rest of them were getting ready for a battle I was thinking of ways to avoid this fight and surprisingly Alice was also.

_I feel like I know her from somewhere Edward…. I just can't place it though. _She thought to me as we walked to my Volvo, everyone else's thoughts were nowhere near the same line. Emmett was thrilled, spoiling for a fight to test his strength, Jasper was cautious but ready to do anything to keep Alice safe including tearing Bella apart…for some reason this didn't sit well with me. I had to resist the urge to growl threateningly at the two.

Rose's thoughts were shallow as always, she was upset because she thought that Bella might be prettier than her or at least more mysterious. She was also concerned about her family and peeved that she was comparing their looks when she should be concentrating at the situation on hand. Still, the tension was thick as we waited for the school to clear out and everyone was ready for a fight.

We didn't know what to expect, who was this girl, what was she, how did she know our secret and where did she come from? All these questions and more went through our minds, it was particularly hard for me since I was used to always getting answers without having to ask. I wanted to know her and I didn't have any idea why…it was very frustrating and exciting at the same time.

After what seemed like eternity the parking lot was cleared out and we made our way to Bella who was casually leaning on her bike. We were very tense waiting for anything. When we did get a good distance from her we stopped but she was giving us the strangest look. "Relax," she said giggling and I almost chuckled with her she looked so cute, "I'm not going to do anything bad to you guys!" I couldn't take it much longer; while we did relax a bit I couldn't handle waiting another minute. I blurted out my thoughts, "What ARE you?" She just giggled again not at all offended about my outburst.

"Why don't you tell me?" she said coyly and it made me feel slightly embarrassed, had I been human I would be blushing. Rose being ever so, Rose, fashion stated the obvious, "We wouldn't be asking if we knew," she sniffed a bit in irritation. Instead of being angry like I thought she would be Bella surprised me again, "I like you! You definitely got sass!", she laughed then and I felt so happy. Hearing her laugh was amazing, I should have wondered why her laugh could do this to me but I was just too absorbed in it to really care.

All the emotions were getting to Jasper, the anxiety was running so high he didn't have much patience, "Just tell us how you knew we were…what we are." Still, it was what we all wanted to know, it was screaming in their minds and it made me all the more anxious to know. Especially since I couldn't get any answers from her until she verbally answered them, it was something I just wasn't used to and it frayed my nerves.

She didn't think much about our nervousness, smiling like that; I had to resist the urge to smile with her, "but its so much more fun making you guess! Besides I already know what you all are! I mean could you be anymore conspicuous? Seriously, you all could use some lessons on how to act _human_." That got everyone's thoughts going like crazy, after all we had been among humans for so long how could we not appear to be human still? We were conscious of things that most vampires would never spare a thought of and yet…we weren't good enough to fool this girl.

It must have shown that we didn't have much patience left in us for not a moment later she sighed and said, "Fine ruin my fun…I'm one of you too, you know, venom and all!" Bella gestured to her body to prove her point and it was only then that I realized she didn't have a heartbeat. She just seemed so alive, so vividly alive it was hard to imagine her the walking dead and even now I couldn't really accept what she was telling us. Alice couldn't take it anymore, she was so used to knowing everything it unnerved her not to know, "What, how? You don't look like any vampire I've ever seen!"

Bella just shook her head and said, "Seriously Alice, did you never learn discretion? I'm just better at pretending than you guys…**obviously**," she held out her dainty hand, "I'm Bella and I do believe none of you have properly introduced yourselves! Society today!" The way she talked, I could hear it now, just the barest shadow of another time and an accent that had long since passed. It was a mark of a true vampire; we are often displaced in this new world that continues to change while we remain frozen and unchanged.

Emmett being who he was laughed at her and shook her hand enthusiastically, "I'm Emmett, I like you already!" she just laughed along with him and held her hand out to Rose. I didn't really know what to do, I felt awkward and nervous in a way I had never felt before. Rose, of course was reluctant to accept this bubbly happy…**pretty** vampire, "I'm Rosalie." Bella wasn't going to stand her standoffish behavior though and pulled the girl into a hug. Rose was fighting a smile and by her thoughts I knew she already liked Bella very much, she just didn't want to admit it.

"I'll call you Rose!" Bella was really just amazing; Alice couldn't wait to get to know this woman and was already planning a shopping trip. I couldn't help but dread it a bit, shopping with Alice was always somewhat frightening. Alice didn't want to frighten her potential friend off though, and since she didn't know how she would react to an, 'Alice hug' she simply held out her hand to shake. Bella seemed to know and held out her arms for her to fly into them.

That's when the strangeness occurred, Alice felt like she had been in this woman's arms before, like a fuzzy memory or a dream she had forgotten. Then Bella started to trace the butterfly pin in Alice's hair gently and we were all amazed that she didn't bite her head off. Alice was a sweet person but something about that hairpin, she would always freak out if anyone even tried to touch it. It had been something she had brought over from her human life, something that she loved deeply. "You know Alice I wish you'd remember me already so I could ask you how you ended up like this?"

I could tell Bella hadn't meant to say that, but the reaction she got was immediate. Everyone tensed; the questions that exploded from their minds had my head spinning. Alice's human life was very much a mystery to all of them, especially Alice herself; it was something that always bothered them. Not remembering some things was natural but Alice had no memories at all. Bella must have noticed how tense we had gotten because not a second later she said, "Seriously, what is up with you guys?"

When she looked down at Alice and saw her disheartened expression Bella scooped her back up in her arms and began to hum. I was completely surprised to realize I recognized the tune; it was from Debussy and one of my absolute favorites. Alice loved it too, and often begged for me to play it for her. It always helped to calm her down and make her feel better when she felt down about anything. I began to wonder if it was this mysterious woman who had fostered that love in her.

Alice began to think the same things and pulled away from Bella's arms to stare intently at her face. Her thoughts were centered on remembering this girl, and what she meant to her. However, as much as Alice tried to remember the woman before her, she just couldn't and it was frustrating her to no end. For a girl used to knowing all the answers to NOT know something as important as this was eating at her.

"It's alright if you don't remember me, my little pixie-girl," Bella said gently, I marveled at her kindness, "when I left I told you it's alright if you forgot me…because I could never forget you!" Alice was stunned, she wanted more than ever to know her…to remember knowing her. Bella traced the Hairpin in Alice's hair and said, "I gave this to you the day I left, I remember finding you crying that day. When I asked you why you said it was because you were going to forget me and you really didn't want to." Bella didn't notice us; Jasper had a pained expression on his face his thoughts solely on Alice.

He wanted to comfort her but he didn't want to interrupt the moment Alice was having with this Bella girl. "I'm sorry, I have a hard time remembering my human life…it all just darkness for me," Alice's thoughts were full of regret and sadness, she wanted to remember this girl so badly. "Don't be sad I'm sure if I spent most of my time in a cationic state most of my human memories would be gone too! You're still my pixie-girl though!" Bella said as if it would make things better for Alice. The pixie-girl took in surprising stride and instead she was mostly worried on how Bella would react to Jasper.

It was weird, Alice may have known Bella once but still to have her care so much about what Bella thought of her was strange for me. Alice was usually a free-spirited woman, not caring one way or the other if someone thought badly of her; but she cared what this woman Bella thought. It was slightly unsettling to notice that I cared very much too because I couldn't hear her thoughts, it made me worry.

"This is my husband Jasper! I hope you'll like him!" Alice said bouncing around acting normal while inside she was nervous as all hell. Bella giggled as if she knew Alice was nervous and said, "If he managed to capture your heart I'm sure he's a good man,". She smiled at him and shook his hand; I didn't understand the feeling the rose in my chest when she smiled at him. I had to fight down a growl, and I had no idea why.

Just when I thought I couldn't take her looking at him anymore she turned her eyes on me and I froze. Her dainty little hand was held out in waiting but I couldn't seem to move. I finally got my body working and took her hand in mine. It was like her touch had set my body on fire, I wanted to pull her in and crush her to me. Her small hand was held in my large one and all I could say was "I'm Edward" I felt stupid immediately. She just smiled at me, if I had a heart I knew it would be racing at that moment.

"Nice to meet you properly Edward I'm Bella!" She said and then she stepped back taking her hand from mine, I was disappointed by the loose of contact. I didn't show it though, at least I hoped not but Jasper did send me a sideways look. "Would you come over tonight to meet our family?" Alice said after a moment, her mind was a flurry of plans, shopping trips and games. It made me smile a bit but Bella didn't answer immediately, she just sat on her bike studying us for a minute.

"Sure pixie-girl, I'd love to meet your family," She put a finger to her lip, I couldn't keep my eyes away from her mouth after that, "but first let me slip out of my humanity!" Now that surprised me but I guess I was getting used to it. Bella was anything but predictable; it made being around her exciting in a way. Still I wondered at her phrasing, "slip out of her humanity"? It put images in my mind that made me feel terribly guilty and no better than all the other human teenage boys. I tried to put it out of my mind but once it was there it continued to creep up on me.

Especially since I was still staring at her, "Well I can tell I make you uncomfortable because I look so…well you know. I just thought that it might be best if I showed up without all this on!" She smiled at us and swung her legs over her bike straddling it, that didn't help me at all. "So I'll head over to your place around six, okay?" She said while revving the motor of her bike and I couldn't help but find the whole picture she was presenting very appealing. It may have helped that I couldn't hear her every thought but it still was driving me up a wall.

I wanted, no, I needed to know if it was just me that felt this way about her or if she felt something towards me too. The attraction I felt towards her was strong and I couldn't keep my eyes from her for more than a minute. "WAIT! You don't know where we live!" Alice said distressed at the idea of waiting until tomorrow to see this woman again. She giggled a bit and asked, "Well which one of you is the fastest?" Alice didn't even think but just blurted out, "Edward, why?", then Bella smiled a bit and said, "Good, hop on Edward!" She patted the place behind her.

When I didn't move she started laughing, Emmett was thinking I was going to have to sit in the 'bitch seat' and was about thirty seconds away from bursting out laughing. "Well, he's the fastest! I'll take him home, get changed and all that, then we'll run over to your place! That is…if that's alright with you Edward?" I didn't answer for a minute weighing my options, really Emmett's thoughts made me pause a bit dazed. However, looking at the perfection before me a realized that I didn't mind, so I said so out loud, "I don't mind."

I tossed my keys to Jasper 'cause I wouldn't let Emmett drive my Volvo after what he thought of me and sat down behind Bella. "Hold on tight," she said while revving the motor and pulling the visor down on her helmet. I put my hands lightly on her waist, I felt ashamed because of all my thoughts earlier. However, Bella wasn't going to allow that and she forced me to hold her tighter, it was glorious. I was plastered to her back when she sped off, "I hope you don't mind going fast!"

She was laughing as she weaved through traffic; I gave into the feeling of holding her close to me barely paying attention to where we were going. It felt right having her in my arms like this, I got lost in the feeling of it. It amazed me how perfectly her body fit into mine, like two puzzle pieces. The ride ended way to fast for my tastes when I realized we were there I had to force myself to let her go. "Okay so I guess you'll be getting the grand tour before anyone else!" She smiled again, dazzling me.

Bella took off her coat and boots twirling around barefoot for a moment, enchanting me. She took my hand and led me around the house pointing out various rooms. She would show me the inside for a minute before she took me to the next. I wasn't paying much attention I was too absorbed in the feel of her hand in mine once more. That is until she got to a room she tried to sneak past me so I questioned her on it, "What's this room?" Bella ducked her head hiding behind her hair; I didn't like that as it hid her pretty face from view. But it was also so cute and endearing, "Oh, that's just my dance studio/music room!"

She said something else to me then but was too distracted to say anything back. Everything that had happened had gotten me thinking, and I wondered in thought standing as still as a statue. I had plenty of chances to be with someone, many vampire women had shown interest in being my companion. Especially, Tanya of the Denali clan, but not once had I thought of pursuing them.

What was it about Bella that made me drop my guard that crumbled all those walls I have built up around me? I didn't know, it couldn't be just because I couldn't hear her thoughts. Though that aspect was as equally annoying as it was fascinating I knew that it wasn't just that. Even appearing human Bella enchanted me with her beauty and her personality was so bright. It was like she was the sun and I was a starved flower, I had to be close to her.

Being in her house didn't help me clear my mind enough to think, her smell while still new was everywhere and it enveloped me. I couldn't think with her smell distracting me constantly and diverging my thoughts. "Hey. You know you could have moved? You didn't have to stand there the entire time!" Her voice startled me, I hadn't even heard her coming. I hadn't realized until then how much I relied on my talent.

However when I caught sight of her I stopped breathing, I stopped moving, all I could do was stare. Her beauty was more than enchanting, words fell short of describing the perfection that she was and I couldn't have moved or said anything if I had tried. She ran down the stairs and stopped before me. It only made things worse, her being so very close to me; so beautiful, so dazzling I found it hard to think coherently. "Are you waiting for something or can we go now?" She asked almost teasingly, and I snapped out of my funk then.

She looked up at me then and our eyes caught each other for the first time. I couldn't look away; I fell into her eyes, utterly lost in her in every way. At that moment I knew, I knew why I felt like growling at Jasper and any man she looked at. I was falling for Isabella Swan, and I was falling fast. As if she heard my thoughts she looked away, brow slightly furrowed as if she had something on her mind. It killed me that I couldn't know what she was thinking in that moment. I went out the door with her following me, we weren't speaking just running and I was lost in thought.

At first I didn't notice that I was not holding back, I was running freely and she was running right next to me as if it were nothing. I was pleasantly surprised considering I was the fastest in my family. It was somewhat liberating to be able to run like this with someone, I couldn't help but smile a bit at it. I got ahead of her at the end but I suspected that was because Bella wanted a moment to prepare herself.

Everyone was waiting for us in the front room, all except for Carlisle whom was in his study reading one of his favorite medical journals. I called him down so that he could be here when Bella arrived inside, he came down the stairs, book in hand, and I almost laughed. He was like this sometimes when he was absorbed in something, probably working on a case for work. I hadn't noticed Bella come in until I heard her sharp intake of breath, which was soon followed by one from Carlisle.

He dropped his book he was so stunned, his mind was so chaotic, and in frenzy, I couldn't make heads or tails of it all. Everyone was stunned by their reactions to one another, no one could guess why. It was like they were frozen, they just kept staring at one another, they didn't move or speak just stood frozen. Finally after what seemed like an eternity Bella whispered, "Carlisle…". And just like that Carlisle's thoughts were cleared, he thought of nothing acting on pure instinct.

"Bella…" he said raising his arms making me wonder just what it was he was about to do, "Bells, my little bird, is that really you?" I immediately didn't like that, who were they to each other, and more importantly what the hell was happening here. Everyone's thoughts mirrored my own. Esme's thoughts were nervous, she had also caught the 'my' comment and like me she didn't like that at all. Suddenly as if a jolt went through her Bella cried out, "Carlisle", and jumped on him. He caught her easily but fell to the floor on impact, it was almost as if he had been expecting the move.

Seeing him holding her didn't sit right with me, I hated that he was holding her, hated it even more when he started to say, "Bella, my Bella," over and over. I clenched my fist trying to keep my anger in check; this was Carlisle but still I HATED that he was holding her like that. That should be me, Esme's thoughts mirrored my own I realized in horror. However, where I was angry Esme was hurt and nervous. "Promise me this isn't some cruel illusion Carlisle, promise me you're really here." Bella said her voice cracking.

I hated this, I didn't want to be here but I couldn't look away. Who was this woman, this Bella, and more importantly who was Carlisle to her? He held her tighter in his arms and kissed the top of her head, I wanted to hurt him then. "I'm here, I'm here Bella, my little bird". He said it so gentle; it was like a lover's caress. "How are you here?" She asked I wanted her to look at me, not at him. He tucked her under his chin and I would have given anything to trade places with him, anything. "I could ask you the same thing my little bird, how are you here with me?"

She pulled back from him for a moment, head tilted to the side as if she was seeking something from Carlisle. He must have thought so too because he asked, "Yes, Little Bird?" She answered with, "Carlisle, why do you smell like potatoes?" He looked startled for a moment and then he did something he almost never does, he laughed, long and loud. I don't think I had ever heard him laugh like that, no one in the family had ever, in fact, from their thoughts. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore and yelled, "What the hell is going on!"

Bella looked startled when she realized we were in the room also, she hid behind her hair and leaned into Carlisle a bit more saying something incomprehensible before turning back to Carlisle ignoring us. "How did you become a Vampire Carlisle?" She asked instead of answering me, us, choosing to ignore us all together. I could not have said then why that hurt so much. Esme was in a right state, Jasper helped her a little but her thoughts were so loud.

Carlisle saw how hurt Esme looked but his thoughts were still on holding Bella and never letting go. Finally it was Bella who stepped up for them both. She kissed him on the cheek, I thought I saw Esme flinch, "Perhaps it would be best if I were to go for now, I believe there is some explanations that need to be done before we can have our reunion." She got up from his lap and suddenly his thoughts were panicked. He didn't want her to go, he wanted her to stay, he didn't think about catching her hand he just did. "Don't fly away little bird I just got you back." I had never seen Carlisle like this, and it scared me.

Carlisle was a reserved man, he wasn't the type to be openly affectionate to anyone and that he was being so with Bella disturbed me. I wasn't the only one thinking so as Bella kneeled before him resting her forehead on his own. Everyone in our little family was in such a frenzy I couldn't think straight if I tried, too many questions and not enough answers. "This bird knows the way home now, and I'll come back in the morning when you've had a chance to explain." This seemed to reassure Carlisle so he didn't try to stop her when she left without a backwards glance.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Rose yelled, "WHAT WAS THAT LITTLE BIRD CRAP!!" At the same time Esme was asking, "Who is she to you Carlisle?" Alice was asking, "What's going on?" Emmett was asking "Got a girl on the side dad?" Only Jasper and I were quiet, mostly because our talents prevented us from doing much at that emotionally charged moment. Carlisle sighed and got up from the floor looking tired and older.

"How about I just explain some things to you now and then you bombard me with questions?" He asked while moving to sit on the couch. We were so stunned we just sat around him, ready to listen to his story. "I would ask that you don't interrupt me this is going to be hard to explain as it is," we all nodded to shell-shocked to do much else. "Well, first I think I should explain something to you all, I know you know a bit of my human life but I have never once divulged everything about myself in the life before I was changed. I told you of my career, yes, just so that you would know how I was put into the vampire's path."

_Edward I would ask that you don't reveal all that I'm sure to think of during this tale._ Carlisle thought to me, I gave him a small nod to show I had heard him. "I am sorry now I had not shared my life with you as you have shared yours with me," I wasn't sure who he was directing that towards, "but perhaps now that I know Bella is alive, in a sense that is, I can tell you all what had been previously too painful for me to reveal. I think I should start from the beginning, as it would make things much clearer."

"When I was a boy, ten or so, my father was called upon by a Lord to exorcise the Lord's infant daughter. You see, the infant had not stopped crying since her birth and with no other options left they had called upon my father. He had brought me along to assist, but the moment the nurse had put the baby girl in my arms she stopped crying." He smiled then and I got a fuzzy flash of a baby girl wrapped in silks.

"As you might have guessed that child was Bella, from that moment we had been inseparable. In that time it was popular for parents' to leave the raising of their children to others. So when they saw how Bella reacted to me they hired me on to take care of her for a time. I guess you could say I raised her but we really just grew together even after my time under contract expired." He smiled gently, thinking of a small girl, no older than six smiling in an ornate dress, the memory was fuzzy but there.

"Being in her presence, watching her grow was truly a privilege, Bella is unlike anyone I have ever met in all my years. She was such an amazing little girl. So kind and gentle, all her servants loved her dearly, everyone who met her did. She had this light that just drew you in," he smiled, "You know when she was eight years old one of the servants had brought their child with them to work, but the boy, no more than five, had gotten away from her. Bella found him in her mother's drawing room, unfortunately she had startled him and he knocked over one of Bella's mother's favorite vases. It broke; the boy had panicked and had started to cry. Bella didn't want to get him in trouble for something she thought of as her own fault so she hid him in the hall and took the blame."

"I think that was the first and last time Bella had ever been taken to the whip," we all inhaled sharply, Carlisle smiled bitterly, "You know what she said when I came to see her afterwards? She told me it was okay that she was hurt for now, because the little boy hadn't been. That was just the kind of girl Bella was, always selfless, always kind, quick to take the blame," he caught my eye, "she reminds me of you in that way Edward."

"I grew to love Bella, deeply, she was my closest dearest friend." He chuckled then, "You know the only thing we ever fought about was my job? Bella hated what I did, she told me over and over that anyone, vampires, werewolves, witches, anyone, 'could be good if only given the chance to be so'. I didn't believe so but she was so sure. In fact, she is the reason I tried to find a way to be what I became without resorting to killing humans."

"So she's like your daughter then?" Esme asked, sounding oddly hopeful. Carlisle looked pained, "No, we were betrothed once." That announcement made everyone's metaphorical hearts stop for just a moment. "Betrothed?" Esme said brokenly, looking devastated. Carlisle saw the look and panicked, grabbing her hand, "I love you Esme, don't ever question that!" She smiled shakily and nodded, still I heard from Jasper's mind how hurt she was at that moment.

"You have to understand, during that time a girl of Bella's status was expected to wed young, bear an heir and be a brainless kept wife. But that just wasn't Bella…" He smiled nostalgically then, "Bella was born before her time, and I have always believed that, she was a jewel among women then. Free-spirited, smart, rebellious, independent, I made my bid for Bella because I loved her enough to want to save her from the cage of an arranged marriage. I didn't even tell Bella of my negotiations with her father!" He laughed then, a light chuckle really, as if remembering some old joke.

"Yes, I practically raised Bella, but she was more to me than a daughter. She was a friend, a light in the darkness, the hope I kept in my heart and the standard in which I judged myself by," He smiled at our disbelieving faces, "yes, I have and probably always will measure myself by Bella. If you could only know her as I do you would understand there is no greater a heart. Her kindness knows no bounds, she is the one who inspired me to become a doctor," He smirked then, "When Bella was human she was clumsy, so clumsy it was a miracle she survived the age at all! I was constantly learning new ways to help her heal, its what got me into medicine later in my un-life."

"Forget all that crap I wanna know what the hell is going on with that 'little bird' crap!" Rose said impatiently, as always. Carlisle smiled, "Now that is a bit of a story, growing up Bella was always finding ways to escape her caregivers, governesses, ladies in waiting, you name it, and I would always be the one they called upon to find her. One day I found her in the woods by her mansion, she was IN a tree! I couldn't believe it. So when I asked what she was doing up there she said, 'I'm trying to persuade the birds to fly me away', now I couldn't believe my ears."

"So I asked her why and she told me that she wanted to go somewhere far away from here where she could truly be free of this. So not knowing what else to say I asked, 'so any luck?' 'no' she said, 'but I'll try becoming a bird next, perhaps then I'll be able to fly as the other swans do', I laughed at that and asked her, 'And what will I do if my dearest friend flies away from me?' she told me not to worry, that the day she got her wings to fly she'd take me with her. Since then I've called her my little bird, it is something of an endearment between us. A recalling of whimsical days dreaming of flying away, of birds and freedom."

"How come you've never spoken of her, more importantly how is it I've never _heard _of her from you before today?" I asked unsure if I really wanted the answer. Carlisle hesitated, his mind blank, and I heard from Jasper's mind just how reluctant he was to answering the question I most wanted to know the answer to. "In all honesty I don't know why I kept her such a secret from everyone," he hesitated, "I think its because I wanted to keep her memory all to myself I didn't want to share her with anyone. Bella has always held a special place in my heart. I guess I didn't know how I could ever properly explain my feelings for her to you and I didn't want to bring up something that was so painful for me."

He got up then, a lost look on his face, his thoughts were in turmoil and so chaotic I couldn't keep up with them. Then quite suddenly he raced up to his study and came back carrying a wooden box. Everyone knew that box, that mysterious box that Carlisle wouldn't let anyone near…even Esme. He placed it on the table and gently opened the lid, everyone leaned a bit forward wanting to know the answer to this mystery.

It was a locket, plain, but very old. There was a certain beauty to it that I couldn't quite grasp yet and the way Carlisle held it, as if it was as precious to him as his very heart. "Bella gave this to me the day I left for London, inside there is an inscription in Latin that says 'never lose your way'. It was this locket that put me on the path I am today, it was the thing I had held onto through the years." He looked to all of us smiling a sad smile. "Have any of you ever wonder what made me wait so long before I turned someone to be my companion?"

Now that he had mentioned it everyone was very surprised at how long he suffered this curse alone. Carlisle had been well over two centuries old before he had resorted to turning me, and by then he was actually getting close to three centuries. "It was this locket and the memory of Bella that had held me back. After I had discovered I could live on animal blood I went back to visit Bella…" everyone inhaled sharply, "However, when I got there I found that she was missing and presumed dead. At the time, I had wanted to die. I was looking at this locket thinking about her one day and I realized that she would not have wanted that for me."

"I resolved then that I would prove to the world that Bella was right, I would be a good vampire and a good man. She was the light that guided me out of the darkness. And years later it was the thought of how Bella would react to the Volturi that had made me leave their company. This was the only thing I had left of Bella, I kept it with me always and it made me feel less lonely to have it near. Then when I changed Edward I came to realize I had been in mourning for her for well over two centuries…I thought it would be best for everyone if I let her go."

"So I didn't think of her, because it was so painful to do so. I didn't speak of her because it would have been like I was really letting her go then. I made excuses, avoided her in my stories, kept her memory close to my heart and I refused to share it with you all. My family, just because I was so afraid that if I did so I would lose what little I had left of her. It's complicated, very hard to explain, and even now I don't think I'm telling all of you the right things."

He looked at Esme then, eyes full of love and confusion, "When I had changed you Esme, at first it was because you reminded me a bit of Bella, like Edward had, but then I fell in love with you. Just you. I love you. Don't ever doubt my feelings. Bella was just in my heart first." Esme was hurt, but she was trying very hard to understand him. The sun peaked over the horizon; we ended up talking all night. Carlisle had spent the night answering our questions and telling us stories about Bella.

I wasn't sure how I was feeling about all this, for the first time in my life I had very negative feelings towards Carlisle and I couldn't understand it. What was it about this girl that changed me so, that made me feel so many different things at once? When it was finally time to head over to Bella's place everyone was a mix of so many emotions. Alice was so excited to be going to see Bella, while anxious to remember her time with her. Jasper was worried, about Alice and about what Bella's presence would do to our family.

Emmett was the most calm, surprisingly; he just wanted to know more about this new girl. Rose was jealous, and more than a bit spiteful of how Bella had disrupted our family. Esme was a wreck, she was worried about this girl and she was so hurt Carlisle hadn't confided in her about this girl before. Carlisle was all over the place, he felt guilty hiding his past but he was also so excited to be seeing Bella soon.

He kept thinking about the oddest things, memories of his dim human past fluttering in his mind and I had never seen him so happy before. Carlisle held Esme's hand and my family followed as I lead the way to Bella house. When we got there Bella was waiting for us at the door a smile on her face, her beauty left me dazed as we followed her into the house. She took us to the sitting room and we all gathered around staring at her intently.

Carlisle was sitting across from her and Bella seemed to only have eyes for him, a sad smile on her face. "To be honest Carlisle I don't know where to start, so much has happened since we parted ways as humans that it would take a very long time to explain everything." "Why don't you just start with what happened after I disappeared?" Carlisle said gently he was resisting the urge to hold her hand for Esme's sake, I gritted my teeth. "Ok, well when a messenger finally made it to my house to tell of your disappearance I was distressed, naturally I decided right then to go looking for you," Bella said with a sad smile while Carlisle sucked in a breath dreading that she was turned because of him.

"However, my father was having none of that and he managed to stop me as I tried to ride off to London skirts, corset, and petticoat still on from a social gathering!" She laughed then, but it was tinged with sadness. "My parents kept me under guard after that to prevent me from trying to search you out, eventually my grief about it broke my spirit a bit and I let them have their way. Mother finally got the brainless model lady she had craved, I spent two years walking around as if I had already died and my body just hadn't accepted the fact yet." Carlisle was trying so hard to keep from breaking down as he heard her story, trying very hard to keep his distance so he wouldn't hurt Esme more.

"When I turned seventeen I found out that my father finally had managed to arrange a marriage contract with some lord I had never seen nor spoken to. That is what managed to snap me out of my state; I didn't want to marry some man who would put me in a glided cage. I refused to let some else decided my life for me so I planned my escape, careful this time so I could get away. The night before my wedding I dressed in an outfit I had stolen from a maid, packed the things I couldn't leave behind, collected the money I had secreted away and headed out into the big world."

"I headed to the stream we always met by and wadded in the water hoping to throw off any hunting dogs they might send after me. I walked in that stream until I could no longer feel my feet, I was about a day into my traveling when I smelt it…blood, lots of it. I almost turned back then, but I couldn't make myself give up so I had stood there frozen. In the end the decision was taken from me when something cold and hard slammed into my back, biting me. I thought I was going to die. Something in me rebelled, and a managed to get away."

Carlisle moved to ask how that was possible but Bella stopped him, "I'll explain how that was possible later but the important thing was I was bitten, alone and I was changing. I had never felt such pain before, it took everything in me not to scream my head off, and somehow I managed to make myself move. I couldn't tell you even now how I made my way to the hidden cave behind the waterfall more than a days walk from where I was bitten. All that was driving me was the need to get the hell away. I collapsed there and waited the rest of it out."

"I honestly thought I was dying, but I kept quiet so as to not alert anyone to my location. That was probably the hardest thing about the change for me…not screaming." Everyone especially Jasper was stunned, their thoughts whirling from awe to disbelief hearing of her change. "When I woke the world was different from the one I had left behind, I had sat by that river bank in wonder of it all and eventually figured out what it was I had become. As soon as I realized I was a vampire, something that killed others to survive I had frozen wondering how I was going to survive this new life. Then a heard a bird call from some distance away and I realized that humans weren't the only thing that had blood."

Carlisle was staring open mouth at her; to him it had taken Bella a few hours to figure out something that had taken him weeks to realize. He felt proud and a bit foolish it had taken him so long. "I decided then to feed off animals, of course after that I realized that I had an infinite amount of time ahead of me. So I began thinking of you, knowing that as I am now I could no longer seek you out because I was the monster you were hunting! Of course that devastated me, I had survived all that and now I wouldn't even get the chance to do what I had set out to! In the end I decided to pursue all the crazy little day dreams I had confided in you so I could feel close to you."

"The main problem with that was I realized that there were some things that would be hard to hide, sparkling skin and red eyes certainly stick out in a crowd right? I'll skip the details for now but I went around the world looking for ways to hide what I had become from the humans. Eventually I ended up in Egypt where a very nice woman named Nagah helped me develop the first version of my skin cream. After that the world was my oyster!" Bella laughed and got up motioning for us to follow her to another room. When she opened the door there was a flood of thoughts, Esme was thinking it reminded her of Carlisle's study. Alice was lamenting the disorganization and Rosalie was just confused. Jasper was wondering what everything in here meant to Bella and Emmett was more interested in what Bella would say next then the room. Carlisle was too absorbed in watching Bella to notice much about the room.

The room was relatively big; it had paintings lining all the walls along with a lot of various other odd objects. "This is my remembering room," She lead us over to the biggest painting in the room it was of Bella on a ship, smiling, a boy was in her arms and she was guiding him at the ships wheel. "When I had enough money I had a beautiful ship built for me I called her Destiny's Hand and I began my adventures on the high seas! I'm sure you remember me going on about the pirates Carlisle, well I decided I wanted to be one too!" She laughed then a twinkling of bells it made me happy to hear it. "The boy you see came on my ships some years after I had begun my pirating career, I really loved sailing the seas and teaching him all I could. When I decided I had to leave that life I gave my ship to him, he was a man by then and he took care of her."

Carlisle was studying the painting very carefully, it was enchanting really, the painting managed to capture how full of life Bella was and whoever had done it was very skilled. "Who painted this Bella?" She smiled softly never taking her eyes away from the painting, "An old friend, he was the first vampire I had ever met that adhered to my diet choices. He had stowed away on my ship one night and my crew found him out. They took him to see me and we hit it off, his name was Lucas he stayed with me for a time. He has a particular talent with the brush and I got this as a going away present when he left my company."

Bella took us around the room, explaining some of the paintings or odd objects. She just kept becoming more and more amazing to me; I couldn't help it. She told us of her goal of making friends, she showed us all the letters she had kept from them, the pictures she had taken, the hat she had shot off Jesse James, the backstage ticket Elvis had signed, all this and more. Still I was curious that she had not mentioned any of the other times she had met up with this Lucas through the years. The paintings were obviously his, and she had more then one done through the years.

"Bella I still am very curious about how you managed to escape your vampire assailant, you were human then and it is difficult to imagine you fighting off one of us," Carlisle said Esme's hand firmly in his own. He tried to keep the adoration from his voice but it didn't work all to well. Bella looked uncomfortable for a minute, it killed me not knowing her thoughts, and then she gave a little nod. Sighing she moved to lean against the wall opposite us next to a painting of her simply sitting on the ground of a forest somewhere. "To explain that I'll have to go back further than I had, to my tenth year of life and tell you the one thing I have ever kept from you," She had her eyes closed and she looked ashamed. Carlisle was confused, and hurt, he had thought he knew Bella inside out.

I managed to squash the feeling of triumph that he had not known all there was to this beautiful woman before us. "I was ten when I first moved something with my mind, it was quite by accident and it was a truly strange feeling," everyone was echoing disbelief thinking that no human could have powers. "As I got a handle on it I began to realize I could do so many things with this gift…or curse. I didn't know what to call it but I knew one thing: I could tell no one of my abilities, not even you, my most precious person. These powers were strange and foreign, had anyone known of them I was sure they would mistake me for a witch. I didn't want to force you to chose between your duty as a hunter/priest and your love for me."

"So I kept it a secret, trained it in secret so that I could control it if I needed to. It was this that saved me that day when I rebelled against the idea of dying I used my ability to throw my assailant away from me. Of course after I was turned this…talent…only caused me more problems because I had the damnedest time controlling it. A single whim had boulders flying through the air!" As she said this the things around us gain to move, until we had lost any semblance of recognition of the room's order. Carlisle's thoughts were in anguish, thinking about the burden this secret must have been for her. Thinking of how foolish he had been back then as a human and idly he began to wonder.

He knew had Bella confided this in him he would have left his chosen career of the time, he would have helped her and he would have never gone to London. In the confines of his mind he imagined how his human life could have played out, imagined marrying her, loving her, having children by her. It was more than I could bear, seeing it and knowing this may have once been his destiny. When he could handle his thoughts no more Carlisle gave into his urge and he took Bella up in his arms. "It would have never been a choice for me Bella, I hated it as much as you and I would have left…" he left his thought hanging but I could tell Bella knew what he was thinking.

She smiled and hugged him in return, "Ah but I didn't and look at how wonderful our lives have turned out for us. You have a beautiful companion, a family, a career you've always wanted and I have spent the last few centuries making the friends I had never been allowed. Hush Carlisle, it does no good to think of 'might have beens'." She murmured to him, running her hands through his hair before she backed away with a sad smile.

Still as Bella pulled away from him Carlisle couldn't help but think that the life they would have had would have been great also. It hurt me more than I thought it would to hear this coming from Carlisle and I vowed to never let his thoughts leave the confines of his mind. This would devastate Esme if she knew, because she, like all of us, could see how much Bella meant to him. Bella smiled a bit at him and pulled his arm to lead him over to Esme. Once he stood facing Esme, Bella took her hand and placed their hands over each other. "I am not blind Carlisle, and you cannot hide from me how much you love her. I know you as no other knows you and I am so very happy you have found her to make you whole."

Bella smiled stepping back then leaving the two holding hands staring into each others eyes, Carlisle had eyes for no one but Esme. It was in that moment Esme's thoughts relaxed, and began to hold a deep affection for the girl whom had captured her beloved's heart first. Bella was no longer a threat in Esme's mind but just a part of Carlisle. There was a deep understanding blossoming in her mind, one I could not fully comprehend because it was as much based on emotion as thoughts. It became apparent to Esme just what Bella was to Carlisle but I could not grasp it.

Clapping brought everyone out of his or her thoughts, Bella was applauding the two of them but there was no malice on her face or in her thoughts. She was genuinely happy for Carlisle and this amazed me enough to leave me breathless. This girl had spent most of her immortal life alone because she had not wished to leave the memory of him behind. She had carried Carlisle's memory with her, preventing herself from gaining a family as he had done and yet she held him no grudge for doing so. Here Bella was, smiling, laughing, applauding Carlisle's abandonment of her own memory as if it were a given.

For there was no doubt in me that is what Carlisle had done. When he had turned me, he had turned his back on the painful memory of this girl, his past. He had pushed her so far from his mind over the years even I had not known of her existence until yesterday afternoon. Carlisle had abandoned the pain remembering her had brought, Bella had embraced it, and the difference between them were becoming to glaringly obvious to me. Where Carlisle had lamented his turning, trying his damnedest to end his existence, Bella had accepted it for what it was and moved on.

Never before had I ever thought there may be someone as good a person as Carlisle but here standing before me might be the only person purer than him. She contradicted everything I thought a vampire was, Bella was like an angel, pure and virtuous. Beautiful, was all I could think, she was so beautiful inside and out it left me dazzled by it. I didn't think there was a stronger person, to go through life as Bella had was simply beyond words. Where we avoided making human attachments Bella sought them out, where we struggled to disguise what we were she fit in seamlessly.

Glancing around the room I took in the various pictures, all through time, full of Bella standing next to countless human friends. I took in the letters she had kept; the odd knick-knacks that I was sure had some stories behind them. It was overwhelming, it was inspiring, and never before had I felt so unworthy to be in someone else's presence. However, I was weak I could not bring myself to step away from her. "There is one thing I wish to know, that I think Alice wants to know the most, how do you know my wife?" Jasper's smooth southern voice drew me out of my musings.

Bella turned sad eyes to our little pixie girl, smiling and coming to stand before her. "Well, I guess that is a very long story. In 1914 I became a nurse for a mental hospital, mostly because I hoped to run interference between the 'doctors' and the patients there. I found Alice one night while making rounds, she was a mess. No one could understand what was wrong with her; she was catatonic responding to no one and nothing. That night when I saw her I was so upset on how she was being treated I immediately took over her care." Bella smiled fingering Alice's short hair. "Your hair had been so long when I had first seen you, all the way down to your ankles! So dirty and matted I couldn't save it so I cut it all off!" She laughed, "I'm sorry about that by the way."

Alice shook her head vigorously, "No I love it!" "Anyways, it wasn't to long after that I discovered what was wrong. I had wrapped you up in my mental shield one night, just to try to see if it could help you and frankly I would describe it as you waking up for the first time. You were in awe of the world, even that tiny dingy room you had been forced in." Bella cupped Alice's face and she leaned into the touch, "The problem was that as a human you could not handle living normally with all the visions you had of the world. Back then you were plagued with visions of the past, present, and the ever changing future."

"You tried to explain it to me once, you said it was like seeing everything that had been, is and will be all at once. It was so overwhelming that most of the time you didn't even understand what it was you were seeing. I hope that as a vampire it is better for you now?" Alice smiled and nodded, "Yes, though now all I see is the future." "Well, at least you are released from the prison of your mind now." Alice bit her lip, "Were you the one who changed me?" Bella looked at her horrified, "No, I am sorry Alice I have no idea how you came to be like me. I have never tasted human blood and probably never will. One day another vampire came to the asylum, a male; he was masquerading as a doctor. He did not like me hanging around there also and he got me fired. The day I left you told me that you would not remember me when we met again."

Our little pixie's thoughts were all over the place, she wondered about the mystery of her rebirth, and for the first time it truly bothered her not to know. However, she nodded and accepted it as a mystery best solved another day choosing instead to fall into Bella's arms. Bella just smiled cradling the smaller girl to her, humming a bit under her breath and it was then that Alice remembered something. It had the same fuzzy feel human memories always had but this was the first time something like this happened to her. She was remembering a room, with cold walls, and the feeling of cold arms around her. In the memory Alice thought she felt safe, then just as quickly as it had come the memory was gone.

Alice pulled back then returning to Jasper's side but from Jasper's thoughts she had not felt this content before. Jasper could not help but like Bella deeply for she made his dearest mate happy. "Now I have a question for you all! What is with the weird monster wolf living so near here?" For a moment every mind in the room went blank with surprise, wondering how in the world Bella managed to discover the Quileute wolves so fast. "Now, how did you find out about them?" Emmett asked surprise in his voice. "I was dancing down by the beach when one tried attacking me." "What do you mean tried?" Carlisle asked. "Exactly that he _tried_ I'm more than a match for him and well, I've been around scarier things than a horse sized wolf."


End file.
